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Bon Jovi has recently considered buying a stake in the NFL football team in Buffalo, the Bills, with the intention of moving the franchise to Toronto.  You would think Torontonians would sing “It’s My Life” from the rooftops, but, instead, they desecrate Bon Jovi’s face and his work by burning posters and CDs outside the Rogers Centre in an anti-NFL protest.

An NFL football team is a huge boon to most cities. It drives tons of tourism, since fans of other teams in your division come to watch games, eat at your restaurants, and drink excessively at your bars. It drives city pride, mostly by pushing you to hate citizens of rival cities (which is an entirely healthy way to rally together). For Toronto, bringing the Bills would also make it the first Canadian city to host an NFL team, which is huge for Canadian NFL fans everywhere. Yet they protest. How ungrateful.

 

— CP24 (@CP24) August 17, 2014

 

A small cadre of Torontonians are fighting against the NFL nefariously taking over their city because they are (inexplicably) die hard Toronto Argonauts fans. They care so immensely about a CFL team that they want to stop an NFL team from coming to town, all because they believe the arrival of the Bills would mean the end of any measure of popularity for the Argos. They’re probably right. Who the hell would care about a CFL team when an NFL team is in town? Due to their blind love for the Argos, those fanatics must be forgetting that the CFL is the football league that players go to after they’re too old, slow, or crazy to make big money and play in front of big crowds in the NFL (see: Chad Ochocinco). They also must be forgetting that NFL crowds are more rowdy, more fun, and merchandising is more profitable. They are also being unreasonably selfish; what about Canadian NFL fans who would do almost anything to bring the league to Canada?

These protestors clearly don’t understand the value of money. They must be Bon Jovi fans, since they have posters and CDs, but are now burning the things they spent good money on. Their opinions cannot be trusted. These rogue Torontonians are standing outside the Rogers Centre, causing a ruckus. It wouldn’t be surprising if a pro-NFL counter-protest broke out, where they listen exclusively to Bon Jovi music, wear Buffalo Bills jerseys with the word Toronto stitched on them, and play football outside with 4 downs instead of 3. That would show them.

If Bon Jovi and the rest of the interested buyer group decide to bring the Bills to Toronto, these few protestors will be outraged and will probably cry. Then, after a season or two, they’ll don their newly bought $100 Bills jersey and head out to watch a game played by real football professionals.