The True North Times
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Canada has begun to writhe at the notion that Rob Ford still has re-election within his reach. With thirty different candidates of amazingly poor quality, Ford is still in the top three. Actually he’s number two, close behind John Tory and several points ahead of Olivia Chow, former MP and the late Jack Layton’s wife. Gaining in the polls Rob Ford has very little to be afraid of in his opponents it appears. But there could be one opponent that could decimate the Ford campaign; something he’s really scared of!

These nasty pests are growing in number and are wandering across our private property.  No, I’m not talking about the candidates for the 2015 Federal Election, I’m talking about a raccoonor rather, many raccoons. They may be cute and fury, unlike most politicians, but they can also get into garbage cans and houses. Currently, they’re becoming enough of a problem for the City of Toronto that people have had to take action and announce that they don’t know what to do about their burgeoning raccoon population.

It is a touchy subject for the city’s political elite, as many of them are petrified of their nocturnal visitors. Mayor Rob Ford, his driver Jerry Agyeman, and both of their families admit that raccoons frighten them.  A lot. Worse, unlike Ford’s fellow mayoral candidates, the raccoons are no longer frightened by the mayor, who is much bigger than they are. Presumably, they haven’t had Ford fall on top of them, nor have they had the misfortune to be looking at him at eye level. It is unclear what exactly his “standoffs” with raccoons were. It is possible that the fearful encounters occurred while Ford was under the influence of something.

 

Rob Ford, apparently impersonating a raccoon in order to repel them.Kevin Van Paasen/The National Post

Rob Ford, seemingly demonstrating for journalists exactly what the raccoons look like
Kevin Van Paasen/The National Post

 

While “culling” or “killing”via bludgeoningthe raccoon populace of Toronto has been brought up before, City Hall is now using the push word euthanizing as a potential solution. Although, Ford explains this is only if they are attacking kids. The SPCA and Toronto Animal Services just see raccoons as part of the package that comes with living in Toronto. The SPCA even offers neat little guides on how to minimize raccoon encountersbasically common sense things like fixing pre-existing openings in your house, and keeping your garbage cans in proper order. There is even a pamphlet they can send you about wildlife-proofing your property, all for free! Maybe Ford should get one.