Gather ’round, Canadians of all stripes and colours. It was around this time, many, many years ago that a great nation was founded. A nation that would become the model of freedom, liberty, and prosperity. We celebrate the existence of this country, this bastion of hope, for all it has given us.
Then, a few days later, the Americans celebrate Independence Day or whatever it’s called.
Fresh off our Canada Day celebrations, Canadians feel a reinvigorated sense of unity and national pride. We have much to be proud of. But fervent pride is not a Canadian quality—we leave that to the Americans. We recognize their enthusiastic insanity and we wish our rebel cousins all the best during their separatist celebration on the 4th of July.
We had our day on July 1st. Let the Patriots have some fun. Things aren’t looking so good south of the border, so let ’em feel happy about something.
On this 4th of July, we should gleefully watch our American friends cheer for the day their nation was born. Canada will do as it always has, sit quietly—smug and content—in pure comfort. We can look at our American brethren and be satisfied that our route is paying dividends, and their route is making them pay dividends.
Canada has grown up a lot while the Americans weren’t looking. We moved out of our British and French parents’ house ages ago. It took some soul searching, but we found ourselves. Sure, they always said we were a little shy and a little reserved, but all good things come with time. American can celebrate their violent independence, while we ― in a classy, refined manner ― remain proud our calm, simple trajectory of growing up.
America moved out long before us, angry about their allowance, or something. Unlike them, we Canadians still get together with Britain from time to time. Big family dinners are kind of awkward. Ever since America messed up those bank statements, he’s been in a downward spiral. Getting into random bar fights in foreign neighbourhoods and whatnot.
For us, the path forward is simple. Let’s do the right thing. Let’s do the Canadian thing. America has hit some rough times. We should just congratulate them on their independence day. That doesn’t mean we can’t feel satisfied, knowing that we took the longer, more rewarding route.
Family sticks together, right?