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As a die-hard sports fan, the end of the 2013-2014 NFL season has arrived far too soon. The conclusion that coincides with an unbelievably exciting time in Canadian politics got me thinking; if our beloved politicians were NFL figures, who would they be? As will become clear in this article, the similarities abound, and not just physically…

 

Rob Ford, Toronto Mayor –> Richie Incognito, Miami Dolphins Center

Rob Ford, who needs no introduction, is comparable to NFL player Richie Incognito – this year’s most ridiculous story in the NFL. Incognito, who plays center on the Miami Dolphins, spent most of his season on the bench for an alleged scandal between himself and Miami Dolphins lineman, Jonathan Martin. Martin accused Incognito of major bullying and harassment, and offered voicemails and text messages to prove his point. All of this culminated in a series of almost laughable circumstances that have brought the problem of bullying in football to the forefront of the sports world. Rob Ford and Richie Incognito’s ability to make the news for all the wrong reasons tie them together in football lore for eternity. There is also, of course, their undeniable resemblance…

Photos National Post Staff Photo and Associated Press.

 

John Forster, chief of the Communications Security Establishment Canada –> Bill Belichick, New England Patriots Head Coach

John Forster faces heat this week when he will appear in front of the Senate to answer questions about the surveillance of Canadian citizens. It has been found that the Canadian agency has used airport Wi-fi to track the movement of Canadian travellers. With the huge mess that was the NSA this past year in the United States, Canada is taking its turn as the goat of the national security newsreel. Bill Belichick is arguably the greatest coach in the NFL right now, if not one of the greatest in history. However, his reputation as an unbelievable strategist has been clouded since the allegations in 2007.  Back then, he was accused of cheating by filming the New York Jets’ defensive coaching signals in order to give his team a massive advantage in competition. Belichick was fined $500,000 – the maximum amount for an NFL charge – for his involvement in the scandal. Forster and Belichick’s penchant for film and surveillance make them an inseparable duo. Plus, they both just look like they’re up to no good.

Photos iPolitics and intheneutralzone.

 

Stephen Harper, Prime Minister of Canada –> Roger Goodell, Commissioner of the National Football League (2006-Present)

Besides the fact that both men were elected in 2006, Goodell and Harper are similar in their positions. Both act as head honcho, the absolute tops when it comes to the food chain in their respective fields. In a Canadian Political format that is becoming ever more centralized in the Prime Minister, Harper truly has executive power unrivalled by any one person in Canada. Much goes the same for Goodell, who exercises his power as the head of the NFL with little resistance from those below him. What’s more is that Goodell actually has roots in politics, specifically of the conservative kind. His father, Charles Ellworth Goodell was a Republican Senator from New York. Without question, Harper and Goodell are the most powerful people in Canadian Politics and Football respectively. They even have similar taste in suits…

Photos Canadian Awareness and Washington Post.

 

Justin Trudeau, Head of Canada’s Liberal Party –> Eli Manning, Quarterback of the New York Giants.

No longer just the new kids on the block, both Manning and Trudeau have established their reputations as power players in their respective fields. Both come from families with a rich background, who cast shadows bigger than a Giant. Trudeau, whose father, Pierre Elliot Trudeau, was Prime Minister of Canada for a cumulative 15 years, and is well known for his “Patriation” of the Constitution and the creation of the 1982 Charter of Human Rights and Freedoms, is now making a name for himself in the liberal party, which will be seeking victory in 2015. Manning is the son of former New Orleans Quarterback Archie Manning, and baby brother to arguably the greatest NFL quarterback of all time (in the regular season, at least), Peyton Manning. Although Trudeau and Manning likely both have many years left in the careers, the two have already accomplished quite a bit, and are, without a doubt, hungry for more. Oh, and they both have great heads of hair.

Photos Jean-Marc Carisse and Ask Men.

 

Pauline Marois, Quebec Premier –> Jerry Jones, Owner of the Dallas Cowboys

If Quebec were a National Football League organization, it would undoubtedly be the Dallas Cowboys. At this point, it seems like a ritual for Quebec to be at the forefront of Canadian news. Whether it is through positive or negative actions (the recently proposed charter of Values comes to mind), we are simply used to hearing about the province. The Dallas Cowboys are no different. Over the past decade, the franchise has ridden a roller coaster of highs and lows, from last-second upsets and blown leads, to plain ridiculous antics on the sideline.  The Dallas Cowboys have become the ever dependable source of hilarity in the NFL. As the leaders of Quebec and the Cowgirls, Marois and Jones have been put in the spotlight and have faced criticism from a large audience. However, one fact remains: both leaders are in positions of power that seem cemented for some time to come. Vive l’equipe bleu et blanc.

Photos John Mahoney and La Sportsa Nostra.

 
Now all we need to do is get these people together for a good ol’ game of pigskin.