Justin Trudeau is breaking headlines for many reasons. He’s lifting babies in the air, walking in a Pride parade, and his stance on marijuana still pulls in media coverage. Yet, there’s an even more important story that isn’t getting the attention it deserves–Justin Trudeau trimmed his luscious locks.
It’s probably fair to say a good two inches of curly heaven were cut off the dreamboat’s head this week, but, considering how Justin’s thick, wavy crop inspires such awe, we wonder why he did it. When he’s chopped his full flowing flop in the past, people speculated it might’ve been to have a more conservative look that would appeal to a more diverse voting population. J.T. doesn’t look too bad with Harper’s tame hairdo, but it probably wouldn’t win him any votes.
Others still might say he cropped his chestnut crown because of the summer heat, but, let’s be honest, this would have little effect considering how hot J.T. already is – Justin, he’s so hot right now. Justin. Yes, he’s so hot right now that someone wrote a 1215-line epic about him, including several stanzas focusing specifically on his hair.
So what happened to the casualties, those fallen friends who dropped from Justin’s head earlier this week? Well, when he trimmed up last year on April 1, Justin seriously considered selling a lock on Ebay and donating proceeds to the Panda Procreation Project. Unfortunately, the big plan didn’t come into fruition; nobody’s quite sure why.
The sad reality is that, this time, some of the hairs probably fell to the floor to be swept up and thrown into a garbage bin. Like your deceased relatives, they’re probably decomposing in the ground right now in some Ottawa dumpsite. Yet, as the old saying goes, “one man’s trash is another man’s treasure.” What Canada needs now is a community-organized search crew to locate and salvage J.T.’s hairs. Their biggest challenge is tracing the hair to its new location. So where does Ottawa dispose of its rubbish? If history is any indicator, the search team should start in either the Prime Minister’s Office or the Senate.