The True North Times
  • Ineligible for the Supreme Court
  • The only thing that Andrew Coyne DOESN'T hate
  • It's Dynamite!
  • First to podcast with Wilfrid Laurier
  • Yet to be castrated by Margaret Wente
  • Exporting Beaver Hides to the Metropol since 1608
  • For the sophisticated hoser
  • Peter Mansbridge’s bathroom reading material
  • Winnipeg? There?
  • Now with 60 minute hours!

 

Dear Mr. Simren Sandhu,

So you’ve decided to plunge head first into the economic waters of satirical online news content, have you? Mark my words: you won’t regret it.

You see, online comedy is a relatively untapped treasure trove of riches. Not only can you monetize your content through lucrative banner ads, but just think of all the other sources of revenue: wacky t-shirts, books, and probably a bunch of other stuff as well.

Given that so few people write jokes and actually post them on the Internet, you’ll have a real leg up on future competition by starting now. In fact, I would suggest you spend the bulk of your waking time and most of your financial resources in solidifying your position in the market.

In order to ensure maximum profit from your new and exciting and highly original venture, I suggest you don’t burden yourself with pesky tasks that traditional media companies have to contend with such as paying writers. Instead, offer potential writers the chance of exposure. Where else are they going to be able to write comedy for the web? After all, it’s highly unlikely that they’ll have your superior technical wherewithal to open up their own website.

As for localizing your satirical focus on all things Canadian, I both applaud and envy your vision. As you well know, your potential readership is immense. I mean, you have nearly 140,000 people in the province of Prince Edward Island alone! And the fodder is endless – bilingualism, Thomas Mulcair, and cold weather. I dare say you have an embarrassment of riches to lampoon.

A quick word to the wise: with your never-done-before style of irreverent comedy coupled with your nascent wealth, you’ll undoubtedly wield great influence in Canada. As the moral arbiter of the country, use your power with great care, lest you accidentally topple a democratically elected government with your scathing yet humourous political critiques.

In closing, trust me when I say that you’ve positioned yourself wisely for the future and that your efforts won’t be in vain (Seriously, satire on the Internet? How on earth did you manage to come up with that one?).

Sincerely,

Michael MacDonald