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Thursday morning, after BlackBerry announced their higher-than-expected first quarter profits of $23 million, the value of the company shares increased by 14% in early trading at the Toronto Stock Exchange.

This positive news comes after many months of speculation on when BlackBerry Limited will be returned to the Earth (most likely in a fancy corporate casket). To many, the BlackBerry was to the iPhone what MySpace was to Facebook. Pre-emptive eulogies for the declining company have been as common in the blogosphere as dick pics on Snapchat (remember Carlos Danger?).

Well, you’ve all been duped; BlackBerry could make it through this tough time just fine. John Chen, BlackBerry’s new survivalist CEO, has promised to usher the company into a new era of less phone manufacturing and more service providing. In addition to changing the company’s direction, Chen has been slashing unnecessary spending costs like he’s been trained in guerrilla warfare, no doubt a major contributor to the company’s recent profits.


Slashing like those glasses slash my heartBloomberg

Slashing spending with a point as sharp as those glasses


Another reason why BlackBerry won’t be going under anytime soon is that our government has a particular soft spot for this Canadian tech-company. Not only is the BlackBerry the preferred phone of federal employees, but in 2013 the Canadian government blocked Lenovo, a Chinese corporation, from buying BlackBerry Limited, as Lenovo vocally considered the purchase.

Apparently BlackBerry has reached the status of a Canadian staple, as important to our infrastructure as Tim Hortons. It’s a position that the folks over at BlackBerry should exploit and grow at all costs if they want to stay alive through the ups and downs of the great big tech sea.

In addition to a ‘Canadian as your son’s musty hockey bag’ marketing campaign, BlackBerry should capitalize on the pressure that has recently been on the Edmonton Eskimos. Since the U.S. Patent and Trademark Office cancelled the Washington Redskins trademark for its unreasonably offensive name and logo, the eyes of the public have turned to other disparaging sports teams like the Cleveland Indians, the Chicago Blackhawks, and now, the Edmonton Eskimos.

To BlackBerry Limited: here’s your chance to spend a couple of the extra profit bucks you’ve got lying around to become the Canadian icon you’ve always dreamed of.


Just think of the possibilities...

Just think of the possibilities…