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The Royal Canadian Navy has ordered the withdrawal of the HMCS Whitehorse warship from the largest international naval exercise in the world. Vice Admiral Mark Norman gave three separate incidents as grounds for sending the Whitehorse back to Canadian waters, and has proved that grown-ups everywhere are actually serious when they threaten to “turn this boat right around.”

What were these incidents? We don’t really know.  We do, however, know that, in one event, a Canadian sailor was arrested by American law enforcers. Likely, the seaman that was arrested tried to play actual battleships, and I like to think the other two kept calling him Vice Admiral Mark Nerdman. Regrettably, we have no idea what they actually did, and if the Navy keeps hush-hush about it we may never know.

Vice Admiral Norman remarked, “while the actions of a few sailors in Whitehorse was the trigger for my decision, I recalled her home because I am troubled that across the RCN a small number of our personnel have fallen short of the timeless expectations of naval service and have failed in their roles as ambassadors of their navy and country — no matter where they serve.” It could have been whoopee cushions.

A few bad kids spoiled the field trip for everyone else. I’m sure Norman gave them fair warning that if they didn’t settle down, he would turn the entire navy brigade around and take everyone home.

 

"I'm a scholar, I enjoy scholarly pursuits"Arrested Development

“I’m a scholar, I enjoy scholarly pursuits”
Arrested Development

 

In a truly Canadian fashion, Norman has appointed a senior officer to undertake an extensive review of “policies and procedures that underpin the hands-on leadership of our personnel.” He expects the results to be made available by September.

This is only one of many incidents where Canadian Navy personnel have been charged with misconduct. In 2012, a female colleague of a Lieutenant was accused of urinating in the man’s cabin. Canadians were assured that the urinating incident would be investigated.

We have all learned a valuable lesson from this.  Be polite when representing your nation in an international event, and try your best to not outdo the time when a fellow servicewoman urinated on deck.

 

Update (16/07): Naval sources say that the crew was sent back over allegations of drunkenness and sexual misconduct. No word yet on whether anyone called the Admiral Nerdman.