Here at The True North Times, we write quite a bit about our politicians. Today, when you can’t afford to buy your mother nice cheese because of the dairy board, take a moment to think about how much our dear leaders love their dear mothers. Here are some tips for what to do with your mother, from the very best.
If you’re the type of person who doesn’t want their pesky mother to know every little thing they do in a day, Rob Ford’s your man. Rob Ford’s mother had no idea he was actually an alcoholic until he checked himself into rehab last week. Despite the fact that she presumably has not lived under a rock for the past year, Ford’s mother managed to miss the many videos that identified her son as a crack addict and alcoholic who drives drunk as often as he tries to grope unsuspecting women. This Mother’s Day, do crack cocaine and check yourself into rehab, and you’ll have set the bar so low that your mother will never be disappointed in you again. Forgetting to buy her flowers will pale in comparison to the year you shot up and grabbed her breast.
Marie-Paule Gingras, at 87, still looks happy and excited, despite being half her daughter’s height. She’s pictured (right) with Pauline Marois, being booed in Quebec City, and she still smiles. Pauline will tell you that, even if the half the province irrationally believes you’ve come from Hell with the duty of banishing Quebec to the dark ages, you can still have a good time. Every once in a while, take a break from gardening and enjoy the ride of life. Cherish the time you have before your crushing electoral defeat, and make new friends who’ll throw their fist in the air for you if you give them the chance. Love the time you have, and love your mother.
Stephen Harper’s beloved mother, Margaret Johnston, is entirely unknown to Canadians, mostly because Harper is generally a private person who doesn’t publicly grope her. If you’re the type of person who loves your mother enough to only pose for pictures with her once a decade because you don’t want to expose her to undue publicity (or sunlight), take a cue from the PM. Fly her to and from your office in private planes so that she never needs to worry about journalists or the outside world. Plus, if she doesn’t have access to a phone, you never need to worry about her calling.
The other Margaret, far from just another Margaret, is Justin Trudeau’s mother, Margaret Trudeau Kemper. Former wife of the 15th Prime Minister of Canada, she’s made a name for herself as a distinguished author, advocate, and orator, who speaks about the stigma that surrounds mental illness. Justin Trudeau would tell you to remember that your mother’s career and accomplishments are much more impressive than yours. That, and just do your best even if you can’t always show up to work. Then, point at her in any photo you share together, and try not to steal her spotlight. Because she’s the best and she’s worth it.
This mother’s day, happiest of all is Jeanne Hurtubise, Tommy’s mommy. Thomas Mulcair is a grizzly in question period, and bears down on the government at every chance he has. He works hard, leads a caucus of children of his own, and tries to build something to be proud of. This mother’s day, care for your mom by going out there, trying your hardest, and never forgetting where you came from. Mulcair’s mother talked politics with him frequently over dinner, and now he’s leader of the Official Opposition, something that JT can’t even tell his mom. Cherish the moments you have together, and always celebrate.
Wishing you and your mother a happy Mother’s Day from The True North Times.