The True North Times
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Welcome to the True North Times’ interpretation of 24/SEVEN: a recap of the past week in the life of the Prime Minister of Canada, and more.



What a busy week for the Prime Minister! We catch up with him over at the G7 summit, where him and the other leaders of the G7 countries talked about a variety of subjects, including the economy, Syria, Iran, North Korea, Ukraine, baseball, kites, and their favourite types of garbage bags.

Meanwhile, Laureen Harper flew to France with some war veterans to celebrate the anniversary of D-Day. Laureen, showing off her new tupperware she recently purchased from this man, was handing out cookies on the plane.

She then surfaced at a Canadian cemetery, where she gave a speech in front of a couple hundred Canadians. Inspiring words were delivered.

“Now students, if there is one thing you should take away from our time in France, let it be this: it is good and it is right that you are here.”

Later, an “official” Canadian ceremony was held at Juno Beach, where a single school, Centre Dufferin from Ontario, was recognized for their work to ensure that these veterans are never forgotten. The students presented our Prime Minister with two hockey jerseys, with the number seven on them, representing the amount of days in the week.

It was off to Ukraine after that for the PM, as he visited the newly elected Ukrainian Prime Minister. Bilateral talks also took place, which means that they basically talked about themselves.

Stephen Harper returned to Canada just in time to meet up with Tony Abbott, the Australian Prime Minister. It is unclear as to what exactly the Aussie was doing in Canada, but speculation maintains that he was “shocked” when he found out our kangaroos walked on four legs and some had antlers.

He then made it to the funerals of the three Canadian mounties that were killed in the line of duty last week in Moncton. Even with his busy schedule, the PM always makes time to pay respect.

And at the end of this week’s video, we get a sneak peek into a proposed expedition into the Victoria Strait. It is again unclear as to what exactly they are planning to do once there, but they are trying to ensure that it takes place during the off-season of hockey.


Here’s what they missed:

Turns out, Tony Abbott did have a purpose in Canada! He maintained a bit of a circle jerk mutual agreement with the Prime Minister of Canada about climate change. Why jeopardize jobs over this measly little planet of ours? Jobs are definitely of more importance.

According to the Vancouver Sun, Harper has seemed to hint at accepting the Northern Gateway Pipeline, seeking “expert advice.” Seems as if the Sun is reaching a bit here, though.


Thanks for reading! We hope you enjoyed this segment of weekly government propaganda.


  • Paul Bronfman

    Ray Novak: Steve
    Harper’s Closet Confidant

    He used to live above Steve Harper’s garage. Now he’s the second most powerful man in Ottawa.

    “Ray is effectively the Prime Minister’s closest confidant,”
    enthuses one government official. “Not only as a member of his staff, but as a
    personal and intimate member of the Prime Minister’s life.”


    • Paul Bronfman

      For nearly four years while Harper was opposition leader,
      Novak, then with the title of executive assistant, lived in a small loft above
      the detached garage at Stornoway—the opposition leader’s official
      residence—eating meals with the family and growing close to Harper’s two young

      This is the detail that has come to define an aide who, by
      some tellings, knows Harper better than all but the Prime Minister’s wife and
      mother. “Ray was with him more than anybody else for years and years and
      years,” says Brodie, who served as Harper’s chief of staff for three years.
      “They were literally hardly ever apart.”

      In addition to living with the Harper family at Stornoway,
      he oversaw Harper’s tour operations, coordinated with his security detail and
      served as the Prime Minister’s envoy to the families of the Air India bombing. “Ray will get it done,” says a former member
      of the PMO. “And he will do so with
      total discretion.”

      When Harper returned to federal politics in 2001 to pursue
      the Alliance
      leadership, he tabbed Novak as his assistant.

      As principal secretary, Novak travels with the Prime
      Minister abroad…


      (Pls note no actual broads were used in the entirety of
      above story).


  • Paul Bronfman

    Laureen stopped posing with Harper in x-mas cards in 2007. Why?
    Because she left Harper, and took their two kids with her.

    Here’s all their December Holiday cards pinned to one board.


  • Paul Bronfman

    What was Jason Kenney’s wife’s name, again? Oh, that’s
    right. Never mind.

    The Harper Gayverment

    d/l #cdnpoli #elxn42 #abc2015

  • Paul Bronfman

    Single white males

    Nigel Wright is unmarried, along with John Baird, Jason
    Kenney, and James Moore, Wright was one of four “single, white males” profiled
    in Maclean’s magazine in 2011 as holding immense power in Harper’s inner

  • Paul Bronfman

    Is Canada
    Run by a Gay Mafia? | VICE Canada

    Here’s the really wacky thing, though: Canada’s Conservative government appears to be
    run by a queer mafia that rivals the Vatican. The best part is, the press
    corps in Ottawa
    is itching to report on the gay shenanigans of Prime Minister Stephen Harper’s
    cabinet, which seems about as straight as an episode of Glee.

  • NadineLumley

    That Laureen is one hot cookie – I’d do her.