<img src="https://www.truenorthtimes.ca/wp-content/uploads/2015/07/Parliament-Hill-55721.jpg"> Good morning, Mr. Prime Minister! It's another beatiful (not boring!) day in the nation's capital. [[What shall we do today|introchoices]]? THE ADVENTURES OF STEPHEN HARPER <img src="https://www.truenorthtimes.ca/wp-content/uploads/2015/07/4147095.jpg"> [[START|Intro]] a true north times production <img src="https://www.truenorthtimes.ca/wp-content/uploads/2015/07/PMO.jpg"/> Well, there's a whole lot to do...since the upcoming election and all. Maybe you should take a [[look at your calendar|benbirthday]]. Or you could [[explore the office|exploreoffice]]. <img src="https://www.truenorthtimes.ca/wp-content/uploads/2015/07/calendar1.jpg"/> Ah, shit. It was your son Ben's birthday the other day. You should [[give him a call|callben]]...[[or not|introchoices]]. <img src="https://www.truenorthtimes.ca/wp-content/uploads/2015/07/officepicture1.jpg"/> Man, this place is really nice. I can't believe Mulroney used to bathe in money here. Oh hey, there's a crooked picture on the [[fireplace mantle|exploreoffice1]]! After much frustration, you manage to get your secretary on the line. "Hello?" you said. "Yes, sir?" your secretary responds. [[Continue|callbenextra1]] The call is recieved. You hear some yelling in the background, before a voice finally speaks up. "Hello?" [[Continue|callbenextra2]]<img src="https://www.truenorthtimes.ca/wp-content/uploads/2015/07/harper2.jpg"> "Uh, nevermind. I think it was a butt-dial. I gotta go." [[Continue|callbenextra4]] <img src="https://www.truenorthtimes.ca/wp-content/uploads/2015/07/com2.jpg"> A sweaty, anxious-looking figure bursts into your room, interrupting your train of thought. He is holding a binder in one hand and a cellphone in the other. [[Continue|story2]] <img src="https://www.truenorthtimes.ca/wp-content/uploads/2015/07/picturemantle-copy.jpg"/> You walk over to the picture. It appears to be Sir John A. MacDonald holding a bottle of whiskey. You could stand and [[admire it|exploreoffice2]], or [[walk back over to your desk|story1]]. You gaze at the artfully crafted portrait of Canada's first Prime Minister. Those were the days. Back when you could take bribes and get re-elected. "Well, hold on. Maybe...just maybe..." [[you say to yourself|story1]].<img src="https://www.truenorthtimes.ca/wp-content/uploads/2015/07/com2.jpg"> It's your Director of Communications! Forgot the damn kid's name. You 'switch' them out every once in awhile. "Mr. Prime Minister," says the panting spin-doctor, "Mike Duffy is on the phone..." [[Continue|story3]]<img src="https://www.truenorthtimes.ca/wp-content/uploads/2015/07/harper2.jpg"> Clearly taken off guard, you debate whether to [[talk to the ol' Duff|storya1]] or [[not get involved|storyb1]].<img src="https://www.truenorthtimes.ca/wp-content/uploads/2015/07/duffy.jpg"/> "Let me talk to him," you mutter before snatching the phone. "Steve-O!" shrieks the voice at the other end. "It was an honest mistake. Those residency forms are so complicated!" [[Continue|storya2]]<img src="https://www.truenorthtimes.ca/wp-content/uploads/2015/07/harper.jpg"> "I'm not talking to that hoser!" you yell. Faint, but audible sobbing can be heard from the other end of the phone. [[Continue|storyb2]] "So you want me to lie about an <bold>honest</bold> mistake?" The line goes silent. "Yes." [[Continue|storya3]]<img src="https://www.truenorthtimes.ca/wp-content/uploads/2015/07/harper.jpg"> You angrily disconnect the phone. Because it's a touch-enabled smartphone, that means you forcefully press the 'End Call' prompt. Do you [[scold|storya4]] or [[brush off|storya4]] what your Director of Communications may have just implicated you in?<img src="https://www.truenorthtimes.ca/wp-content/uploads/2015/07/com2.jpg"> Before you have the chance to say anything, your Director of Communications apologizes profusely. "I'm so sorry, sir. I've been up all night writing lengthy comments on National Post articles-- as you requested. This sort of slipped by me." [[Continue|storya5]]<img src="https://www.truenorthtimes.ca/wp-content/uploads/2015/07/evan.jpg"> From the corner of your eye, you notice a breaking news bulletin. Wow, Peter Mansbridge just gets more attractive with age. "We have breaking news at this moment," says Evan Solomon. "Disgraced Senator Mike Duffy will be holding a press conference right now." [[Continue|storya6]]<img src="https://www.truenorthtimes.ca/wp-content/uploads/2015/07/duffy2.jpg"> Mike Duffy appears on the screen. He coughs about eighteen times and pulls a crumpled paper out of his suit jacket. He clears his throat. "Dearly beloved," he said, "I just spoke with the Prime Minister about my current situaion." [[Continue|storya7]]<img src="https://www.truenorthtimes.ca/wp-content/uploads/2015/07/duffy2.jpg"> "I can assure you that The Right Honourable Stephen Harper acknowledges that I made a mistake." Multiple camera flashes light Duffy's face. What has he done.... [[Continue|storya8]]<img src="https://www.truenorthtimes.ca/wp-content/uploads/2015/07/harper2.jpg"> "Did Mike Duffy just take us down with him?" you said. Unfortunately, your spin-doctor bolted from the room, leaving behind only the musk of regret and failure. [[Continue|storya9]] <img src="https://www.truenorthtimes.ca/wp-content/uploads/2015/07/leaders-shake-hands-after-debate.jpg"> LATER... [[The leaders debate is underway!|storya10]] <img src="https://www.truenorthtimes.ca/wp-content/uploads/2015/07/MACDEBATE_WELLS_POST02.jpg"> "Hello. I'm Paul Wells," says a half-asleep man at a desk. "This is the debate or whatever. Let's start with the economy." [[Continue|storya11]]<img src="https://www.truenorthtimes.ca/wp-content/uploads/2015/07/harper.jpg"> You grab the phone from your Communications Director's hand. Furious, you disconnect the phone. Because it's a touch-enabled smartphone, that means you forcefully press the 'End Call' prompt. Do you [[scold|storyb3]] or [[brush off|storyb3]] what your Director of Communications may have just implicated you in?<img src="https://www.truenorthtimes.ca/wp-content/uploads/2015/07/com2.jpg"> Before you have the chance to say anything, your Director of Communications apologizes profusely. "I'm so sorry, sir. I've been up all night writing lengthy comments on National Post articles-- as you requested. This sort of slipped by me." [[Continue|storya5]] <img src="https://www.truenorthtimes.ca/wp-content/uploads/2015/07/harperdebate.jpg"> "The first question goes to the Prime Minister," says Paul. "So when are you gonna admit we're in a recession?" You can [[deflect|storya12a]], [[laugh|storya12b]], or [[attack|storya12c]] the question head-on. <img src="https://www.truenorthtimes.ca/wp-content/uploads/2015/07/harperdebate2.jpg"> "Let's be clear," you said. "The Economic Action Plan is working for you. Now lets talk about Israel." [[Continue|storya13a]] <img src="https://www.truenorthtimes.ca/wp-content/uploads/2015/07/harperdebate3.jpg"> You laugh maniacally. In response, Thomas Mulcair does whatever he thinks a smile looks like. Justin Trudeau just kinda stands there with his lip pouted. [[Continue|storya13b]]<img src="https://www.truenorthtimes.ca/wp-content/uploads/2015/07/harperdebate2.jpg"> "Lets be clear." you said. "We're not in a recession. The economy isn't where we want it. I can admit that. But there's a lot left for us to do." Thomas Mulcair begins growling like a bear and Justin Trudeau shows off his podium like a 'The Price is Right' model. [[Continue|storya13c]] <img src="https://www.truenorthtimes.ca/wp-content/uploads/2015/07/MACDEBATE_WELLS_POST02.jpg"> "Mr. Prime Minister...that's...not what this is about." says the moderator. You can [[question his loyalty to Canada|storya14a]], or [[apologize|storya14b]]. <img src="https://www.truenorthtimes.ca/wp-content/uploads/2015/07/MACDEBATE_WELLS_POST02.jpg"> "Mr. Prime Minister...you haven't answered the question." says the moderator You can [[question his loyalty to Canada|storya14a]] or [[apologize|storya14b]]<img src="https://www.truenorthtimes.ca/wp-content/uploads/2015/07/MACDEBATE_WELLS_POST02.jpg"> "What would you say to Canadians who have waited for 7 years to see their quality of life rebound?" asks Mr. Wells. You can [[question his loyalty to Canada|storya14a]], or [[make an excuse for your poor performance|storya14b]]<img src="https://www.truenorthtimes.ca/wp-content/uploads/2015/07/harperdebate2.jpg"> "Are you Canadian? Do you care for your country? Or are you one of Putin's lackeys?" you exclaim. Justin Trudeau tries to chime in, but can only say 'middle class' 2.5 times. [[Continue|storya15a]]<img src="https://www.truenorthtimes.ca/wp-content/uploads/2015/07/harperdebate2.jpg"> "I'm terribly sorry." you say (somewhat) earnestly. "I missed my son's birthday and I feel pretty awful." "HEY?! WHY IS THAT RELEVANT?" yells Thomas Mulcair. [[Continue|storya15b]]<img src="https://www.truenorthtimes.ca/wp-content/uploads/2015/07/MACDEBATE_WELLS_POST02.jpg"> Paul Wells stares blankly at you. The room fills with awkward silence. "I reject the premise of the question," says Paul. Bastard stole your line. [[Continue|storya16a]]<img src="https://www.truenorthtimes.ca/wp-content/uploads/2015/07/MACDEBATE_WELLS_POST02.jpg"> "Shut up, Tom," you say. Because nobody seems to care, Paul Wells moves onto the next question. "Let's talk about the state of our democracy." [[Continue|storya16b]]<img src="https://www.truenorthtimes.ca/wp-content/uploads/2015/07/harperdebate3.jpg"> You panic. Talk about something else! "Let's talk about the state of our democracy," you say. What? Why the hell would you pick that, of all things? [[Continue|storya17aa]]<img src="https://www.truenorthtimes.ca/wp-content/uploads/2015/07/harperdebate.jpg"> "Prime Minister Harper," says Paul Wells. "What's the deal with the Senate scandal?" In the distance, a 90s synth bass riff can be heard. As for the question, you can [[deflect|storya17a]], [[answer|storya17b]], or [[cough|storya17c]]<img src="https://www.truenorthtimes.ca/wp-content/uploads/2015/07/harperdebate2.jpg"> "Well, you see, Paul...the Conservative party stands by our allies in Israel." you respond. "Mr. Harper, you haven't answered the question and you're pandering." says Justin Trudeau with a coy wink to the broadcast cameras. [[Continue|storya18a]]<img src="https://www.truenorthtimes.ca/wp-content/uploads/2015/07/harperdebate2.jpg"> "Let's be clear. The ongoing developments in the Senate are an age-old problem. We have processes in place to avoid anything like this in the future." you respond confidently. "BUT WHY APPOINT SENATORS IN THE FIRST PLACE?" exclaims Thomas Mulcair, while lollipops taken from babies dangle from his beard. [[Continue|storya18a]] <img src="https://www.truenorthtimes.ca/wp-content/uploads/2015/07/harperdebate2.jpg"> You cough. You know...I'm sure Mulcair has a throat losenge or something. [[Continue|storya18b2]]<img src="https://www.truenorthtimes.ca/wp-content/uploads/2015/07/harperdebate.jpg"> "What's the deal with the Senate scandal?" says Paul Wells. In the distance, a 90s synth bass riff can be heard. As for the question, you can [[deflect|storya17a]], [[answer|storya17b]], or [[cough|storya17c]]<img src="https://www.truenorthtimes.ca/wp-content/uploads/2015/07/MACDEBATE_WELLS_POST02.jpg"> "And that's all the time we have for this section" Paul cuts in. "First one to convince me that they will keep us safe wins!" Do you want to [[respond with a zinger|storya19a]] or [[blurt out|storya19b]] the first thing that comes to your mind? <img src="https://www.truenorthtimes.ca/wp-content/uploads/2015/07/debatetrudeau2_150806.jpg"> "Mr. Harper, you haven't answered the question and you're pandering to the pro-cough lobbyists." says Justin Trudeau with a coy wink to the broadcast cameras. [[Continue|storya18a]]<img src="https://www.truenorthtimes.ca/wp-content/uploads/2015/07/harperdebate3.jpg"> "Bill C-51 is doing exactly that. Even ask Trudeau. He supported it." Justin appears to have fled the stage. [[Continue|storya20]]<img src="https://www.truenorthtimes.ca/wp-content/uploads/2015/07/harperdebate3.jpg"> "I love lamp." you say. Everyone stares at you. After what seems like an eternity, a slow but ever-growing wave of applause fills the room. [[Continue|storya20]]<img src="https://www.truenorthtimes.ca/wp-content/uploads/2015/07/MACDEBATE_WELLS_POST02.jpg"> The rest of the night was a blur. After such a great response, who cares about the rest? [[Let's take a look at what the polls say.|storya21]]<img src="https://www.truenorthtimes.ca/wp-content/uploads/2015/07/Polls-copy.jpg"> Currently, you're in ___ place with ____% of the vote. Wowie! [[Continue|storya22]]What? You thought you would find out if you won? Polls change every damn day. Let that be a lesson to you. A rude, anti-climactic, letdown of a lesson. <img src="https://www.truenorthtimes.ca/wp-content/uploads/2015/07/4147095.jpg"> Jeez. Get your election news at <a href="http:///www.truenorthtimes.ca">truenorthtimes.ca</a> and maybe another game will come out. We don't know. Get off our back. THE END. [[Play again?|Start]] "Could you connect me with Ben?" you ask. "Right away sir." The phone makes a [[dial tone|callben2]]. "Hey, Ben. I'm terribly sorry I missed your birthday." you say in a sincere tone. "Steve, I think you may be getting too immersed in The Beatles 'culture'. It's not my birthday." replies the voice. [[Continue|callbenextra3]] <img src="https://www.truenorthtimes.ca/wp-content/uploads/2015/07/Screen-Shot-2015-09-05-at-5.39.23-PM.jpg"> "Wait...Is this Benjamin Netanyahu?" "Who did you think you were talking to?" You quickly try to [[end the conversation|callben3]].<img src="https://www.truenorthtimes.ca/wp-content/uploads/2015/07/Screen-Shot-2015-09-05-at-5.39.23-PM.jpg"> "Okay, okay. Hey, Steve? Are we still on to watch 'From Russia With Love?'" [[Continue|callbenextra5]]<img src="https://www.truenorthtimes.ca/wp-content/uploads/2015/07/harper2.jpg"> The call falls in deep silence. Eventually, you mutter "yes." You hang up the phone and [[try to remember what you were supposed to do today|story1]]