Ontario Archives - Page 3 of 15 - The True North Times

Rob Ford Gains in Polls After Making Kids Roll in Geese Feces

The Toronto mayoral race is like The Lion King in the Theatre of Politics- the damn thing never ends. The voting public is tired, so let’s mirror their fatigue by starting this article with a cliché. There’s n...

Ontarians Not Yet Safe From Nuclear Disaster

This summer has possibly been the most morbidly depressing span of time in recent memory. From constant war in the Israel, Iraq, Ukraine, and Syria, to ebola hemorrhagic fever plaguing Africa, and the recent ea...

Karen Stintz Quits Toronto Mayoral Race, Who Will Replace Her?

In a press conference this morning Karen Stintz announced that she will no longer be running to be mayor of Toronto. A city mourns, but like the departure of all politicians, it will quickly make way for endles...

Conflict of Interest: Rob Ford’s Wastewater Vote Helped Deco

It's a well known fact that the Fords have a lot of wastewater (I mean, how can you not when you ingest that much alcohol and illicit drugs??). But now there's a new type of wastewater ruining the Fords' dinner...

Raccoon for Mayor? Could Be The Way to Beat Rob Ford

Canada has begun to writhe at the notion that Rob Ford still has re-election within his reach. With thirty different candidates of amazingly poor quality, Ford is still in the top three. Actually he's number tw...

Anti-NFL Protest Burns Bon Jovi CDs in Toronto

Bon Jovi has recently considered buying a stake in the NFL football team in Buffalo, the Bills, with the intention of moving the franchise to Toronto. You would think Torontonians would sing “It's My Life” fro...

Rob Ford Declares War On “Serious Raccoon Problem” in Toronto

This morning, Mayor Rob Ford of Toronto voiced concern over a dangerous and fast-growing raccoon population wreaking havoc on the lush fields of suburban Toronto. Ford described his various "standoffs" with ...

CBSA Arrests 21 Undocumented Workers in Misleading Vehicle Spot Checks

When the Canadian Border Safety Agency officers heard that they would be going undercover, their excitement was roused. “Oh boy!” they probably thought, “CBSA officers almost never get to go undercover. I wonde...

Masturbators Party of Ontario Refused Recognition

Ontario has gone to the dogs—and not because they do a better job with peanut butter than most people can do with their hands. The 2014 election, in which Ontarians approved the Liberals’ big government budget,...

Toronto Medical Officer Pushing for E-Cigarette Ban

In a world slowly being tainted by Justin Trudeau's sinful, liberal pot enthusiasts, great strides have been made in the city of Toronto in the hopes that we may one day live in a world void of any inhaling at ...