The True North Times
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Canadian Politics suck. Canadian politicians suck. Lies and Deception is the name of the game now. Have fun wading through the bullshit and trying to puzzle out which of these lying scoundrels has the most appealing batch of baloney. The worst of these awful, soul-sucking, power hungry liars have risen to the top of each of the three parties that are most likely to win the next federal election. Truth in Canadian politics is always a technicality. Whoever gets elected will have a mandate based on malarkey. Without further ado let’s meet one of the polished turds who may be running our country come October 20th 2015: Justin Trudeau.

Trudeau is a Good Name to Have Apparently
The Canadian Press

Justin, son of Pierre Elliot Trudeau of course, openly admitted that he “won the birth lottery.”  During the Macleans Leaders Debate Justin shamelessly paraded the fact that he is “a 43 year old father of three kids.” WE GET IT MR TRUDEAU. You’re a DILF who doesn’t look a day over 30. Trudeau does yoga and is tall, and has a nice smile. And what about that hair! Yet if we want politics of substance we need to look somewhere else. As a response to the “Just not Ready” Conservative attack ads, the entire Liberal campaign now sounds all too much like a MTV movie about losing your virginity. Canadians are ready to forget about Justin Trudeau.

Trudeau is a pampered pretty boy. He doesn’t have much real world experience. He may have worked as a teacher but he has never been a normal Canadian. Every second sentence out of Trudeau’s mouth during the debate seemed to be about “middle class Canadians.” This was an attempt to convince actual middle class Canadians that he knows what is best for people who have had to deal with problems he himself has only read about. Trusting Justin-“the budget will balance itself”-Trudeau to fix the economy is a big ask for a man who has never had to worry about paying a bill in his life.

Too Smug for His Own Good NA-TRUDEAU-EDBOARD5 The editorial board met with Liberal leadership candidate Justin Trudeau on April 5, 2013.  CARLOS OSORIO/TORONTO STAR

Too Smug for His Own Good
CARLOS OSORIO/TORONTO STAR

Criticizing Trudeau’s plans would have taken up more of this article had he bothered to say anything during the debate outside of simply staring at the camera and saying he was going to be better for middle class Canadians. This was of course without explaining how he would actually do this. Taxing the richest 1% in Canada, as Trudeau proposed, does not yield the same results as it would in the United States. There are more millionaires in the US than anywhere else in the world. It stands to reason that rich flight is much more of a reality here. If Canadian doctors, business executives, and lawyers know that they will have more lucrative lives in the United States, there is a distinct possibility they will leave. Furthermore the Trudeau tax plan appears to have been miscalculated by about $1 billion. The Liberals were forced to admit that their current plan to fix everything is badly underfunded. Trudeau’s response was that they would get back to us with a finalized plan closer to the election. Trudeau’s better plan rhetoric mirrors that of American Republicans critiquing the Iran nuclear deal. They both require a massive amount of blind faith in people claiming to know how to do better without explaining how. And like most American Republicans, he has never been part of the middle class.

Trudeau is a blatant power hungry populist who will say whatever is popular to get where he wants to go. That’s why he was quoted in May of 2014 by Your McMurray magazine saying “I am very much in favour of the west-east pipeline” and in December of 2014 by Le Soleil as saying “the Energy East Pipeline is not socially acceptable.” The Conservatives joked about Trudeau exceeding expectations by wearing pants to the first leaders debate, but it would be fitting if he wore flip-flops to the rest of them. It sure would make it easier to put his foot into his mouth after dropping one of his many George Bush or Rob Ford-like remarks (which thankfully have been compiled at Shit Trudeau Says).

Justin Trudeau’s Go-To Footwear
COREWALKING / JONATHAN FITZGORDON

Stephen Harper’s Conservatives are an extremely centralized party that has concentrated power in the hands of only a few individuals. That’s undemocratic. That’s unfair. That should be changed. However would electing Justin Trudeau really bring #RealChange? When the True North Times asked individual Liberal MPs about their thoughts on a controversial political issue, virtually all of them either simply forwarded our emails to Liberal Public Safety Critic Wayne Easter, or copy and pasted Easter’s response and sent that to us. With only three exceptions, there were no original thoughts added by the elected Liberal representatives. There is one voice of the LPC. This is Team Trudeau. They have no ideological foundation. Electing them is to give them a mandate that says: “You are smarter than us and we trust you to solve our problems.” Electing Justin Trudeau is deciding to trust him as our pseudo-dictator instead of Stephen Harper. Ask yourself if that is really all that much better.

Mascot of the Liberal Party
Animals World

Justin Trudeau is a great looking, power-craving fool. He is inexperienced. The Liberals were called “chameleons” by an NDP MP, and she was right. Can he fix the problems facing this country? Doubtful. Can he make things worse? Definitely. He is a charming man with star crazed followers, a new generation of Trudeau-maniacs. It could seem like a good option for a country facing desperate times, but looks don’t make politicians; ideas do. Justin Trudeau sucks.