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Just when you thought that the world was safe from those dirty rotten hippies, the knuckleheads over at the Supreme Court decided it was safe to allow cancer patients and people suffering from PTSD to ingest the most horrible tasty treats: brownies and cookies…

Yesterday, the Supreme Court of Canada ruled that it is unconstitutional to prohibit the use of medical marijuana in non-dry forms. Those include, but are not limited to, brownies, cookies, teas, and ointments. Previously, if you needed your medicinal fix of Mother Earth’s most far out leaf, the only way to get it would be to light it on fire and take in a lungful of smoke.

SCOC Medical Marijuana 20150611

You can practically smell the evil
Brennan Linsley/ The Canadian Press


Medical Marijuana prescribers were overjoyed by the ruling. Of course, the prude dudes of the conservative party were not far behind with their outrage and plans of attack.

Health minister Rona Ambrose said that she was “outraged” by the court’s ruling, and argued that this would help to “normalize” the drug and give Canadians the indication that marijuana is a “legitimate” medicine. She fears this can have seriously harmful health effects, particularly on young users. The country still waits for her stance on the normalization of therapeutic dogs and the serious health concerns associated with dog bites, particularly amongst youth.

Since minister Ambrose cannot reverse the ruling of the supreme court, she has taken to doing the only logical thing: whining about it. When asked what she will do in response to this ruling, Ambrose stated that she “will continue to fight against this kind of message.” By that, she means she intends to tell people all of the evil nasty things about pot until she’s blue in the face.


“I’m so upset right now…”
Pat McGrath / The Ottawa Citizen


In an almost comic book-like ending, the dynamic duo of Ambrose and parliamentary secretary Roxanne James have teamed up to pull this evil weed up by the roots. After the Supreme Court’s ruling, the team proposed a few “enhancements” to the Controlled Drug and Substances Act, such as giving more power to the police to dispose of seized drugs, increasing regulation of prescription drugs, and evaluating “designer” drugs more quickly. Clearly, these figureheads of justice are the heroes Canada deserves.

As we all know, doing pot in any form is the first step to a life of hacky sacks and stale Cheetos. It is obvious that action must be taken.

Minister Ambrose has said that she specifically wants to target young people with messages about the horror of marijuana. This just in: apparently, being subjected to the consistent ranting of a middle-aged conservative politician does not deter young hippie pot-smokers or cancer patients.