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On Monday May 4, calm fell over the world as life forms from coast to coast and across the galaxy celebrated Star Wars Day.  I am proud to note that the first organized observance of Star Wars Day took place in Toronto in 2011. Now, every year, I painstakingly wait until the day when I can relentlessly overuse the “May the fourth be with you” pun until all my friends hate me.

To honour this fair occasion, Parliament Hill’s bells played “The Imperial March.” Was this a poke at our government? Maybe. Either way, it was cooler than anything else that goes on in there. With this newly discovered capability in mind, here are 5 other songs I’d like to hear played by Parliament Hill’s Bells.

 

 

Ah, “I’ll Be There For You,” a meaningful mantra if it wouldn’t be completely ironic coming from Parliament Hill. Considering clapping is every MP’s favourite hobby, they’ll have no problem joining in on the song’s action. Really, I think listening to a sitcom theme at the beginning of every day would get everyone off on a better foot. If the “Hey, once this song is over, all my problems will be solved in half an hour (with commercials)” mindset were applied to the entire nation, imagine the possibilities! Imagine the efficiency! Imagine every mention of Bill C-51 followed by a laugh track. Imagine Justin Trudeau’s far superior spin off show that would inexplicably get cancelled after only two fantastic seasons!

 

 

 

You think Eminem is good at rapping? Well, listen to Parliament Hill’s bells tear through Mr. Mather’s lyrics at supposed, though not scientifically confirmed, supersonic speed. Sure, it may not sound like anything but obnoxious, ear piercing banging, but that’s basically all that’s heard during Questioning Period anyways. Plus, if the ringing gets the bell tower vibrating at just the right frequency, it could collapse into the House of Commons for the most epic rap battle ending in history.

 

 

 

I swear, when I first heard this song, I thought, “Damn, I didn’t know Mozart collaborated with R. Kelly and Usher.” “Same Girl” is more than just a song: it’s an epic tale of love, deceit, and brotherhood arranged into an R&B-opera-style duet with two people I hope are best friends: R. Kells and Ush. Many a time have I openly wept watching the two heroines of the “Same Girl” music video plot their scheme of passion. While having this sultry melody echo through the avenues of our capital would very likely lower Canada’s infant mortality rate, it’s not until you listen to the song that you’ll understand that, between the Conservatives, the NDP, and the Liberals we Canadians are all their same girl.

 

 

 

Need I explain? Smash Mouth is more of a lifestyle than a band, and having our Parliament’s bells ring to the rhythms of their feel-good tune most people refer to as “that song from Shrek” would put one big, super cool soul patch on all of Ottawa. The vibe in the House of Commons would be a lot chiller if our MPs could kick back, frost their tips, and mix a bottle of Corona with Mountain Dew as “All Star” flowed into their head where it would stay for the rest of eternity. Maybe then they would take my Mandatory Sunglasses Indoors Bill seriously.

 

 

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CP

 

From Guns n’ Roses’ “Sweet Child Of Mine” to The Who’s “The Seeker,” this guy has played every song you only know either because you play guitar hero or because you’ve driven your unemployed uncle Rob’s 1995 Saturn S-Series where these songs play on cassettes. Either way, there’s no end to how much I enjoy being reminded that our Prime Minister listens to our human music and is willing to get up and sing a diddy every year at the Tory Christmas Party. In fact, having these timeless hits booming atop our Parliament building would not only let the world know who we are as Canadians, but also encourage angsty teens from across the country to make more dupstep music to be played by the next generation of politicians and their Christmas parties.