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Stop the presses! Just kidding. Print media is dead.

Alberta, a “have-ish” province, is suffering from a budgetary crisis, a Premier who has smelt it but hath not dealt it, and a traumatic loss of provincial self-righteousness.

taber-welcome-sign

Welcome, motherf*ckers!
AESRD

 

Yesterday morning, the demoralized Albertan frontier was received the biggest blow yet. The town of Taber, boasting a population of  around 8,000, unanimously passed municipal resolutions prohibiting spitting, yelling, cursing, fighting, spray painting, and vandalizing. Oh, they also set a curfew for teenagers; they can no longer be out past 11:00 pm, but they can run freely in the “Corn capital of Canada” after 6:00 am.

The Taber Police Service recommended the bylaws earlier last year. Political outsider and media condemnation has been swift.

Mount Royal University’s vice chair of policy studies, Duane Bratt had a mouthful to say about the bylaws. “It’s like the George Carlin skit, the seven words you can’t say [on television],” he told media. “What the–I was going to say hell–is going on in Taber?”

Mr. Bratt, that’s a $150 fine. No, seriously, that’s the punishment.

The town’s mayor felt more warmly towards the bylaw. He told a reporter, “I’m not saying this thing is perfect, but I think we should give it a chance and try it out … we might make some adjustments, but let’s see how it works.”

Who are we to judge? As the great Justin Trudeau once declared, “I think that’s a very slippery slope to get on: to decide that we don’t like the values or the color of government of another country.”

Let’s assume Taber is a ‘distinct society,’ and therefore its own nation within a united Canada. Because there sure as hell ain’t any other place in this country that outlaws their provincial pastime.