The True North Times
  • Exporting Beaver Hides to the Metropol since 1608
  • Winnipeg? There?
  • Yet to be castrated by Margaret Wente
  • The only thing that Andrew Coyne DOESN'T hate
  • Peter Mansbridge’s bathroom reading material
  • Now with 60 minute hours!
  • For the sophisticated hoser
  • First to podcast with Wilfrid Laurier
  • It's Dynamite!
  • Ineligible for the Supreme Court

Stop the presses! Just kidding. Print media is dead.

Alberta, a “have-ish” province, is suffering from a budgetary crisis, a Premier who has smelt it but hath not dealt it, and a traumatic loss of provincial self-righteousness.


Welcome, motherf*ckers!


Yesterday morning, the demoralized Albertan frontier was received the biggest blow yet. The town of Taber, boasting a population of  around 8,000, unanimously passed municipal resolutions prohibiting spitting, yelling, cursing, fighting, spray painting, and vandalizing. Oh, they also set a curfew for teenagers; they can no longer be out past 11:00 pm, but they can run freely in the “Corn capital of Canada” after 6:00 am.

The Taber Police Service recommended the bylaws earlier last year. Political outsider and media condemnation has been swift.

Mount Royal University’s vice chair of policy studies, Duane Bratt had a mouthful to say about the bylaws. “It’s like the George Carlin skit, the seven words you can’t say [on television],” he told media. “What the–I was going to say hell–is going on in Taber?”

Mr. Bratt, that’s a $150 fine. No, seriously, that’s the punishment.

The town’s mayor felt more warmly towards the bylaw. He told a reporter, “I’m not saying this thing is perfect, but I think we should give it a chance and try it out … we might make some adjustments, but let’s see how it works.”

Who are we to judge? As the great Justin Trudeau once declared, “I think that’s a very slippery slope to get on: to decide that we don’t like the values or the color of government of another country.”

Let’s assume Taber is a ‘distinct society,’ and therefore its own nation within a united Canada. Because there sure as hell ain’t any other place in this country that outlaws their provincial pastime.