Pat Martin, vigilante against “rat-faced whores” and Public Works nearly caused the failure of a vote to adjourn parliamentary debate due to his tight underwear. Yes, in our nation’s highest forum for political discourse, one man’s undergarments almost changed the tide of debate.
When not telling his constituents to eat his shorts, calling globalization a wet dream of big capital, referring to economics professors as pompous dickheads, or expressing general disdain for jackboot shit, Pat Martin likes to go to The Bay. Only if they have a sale going on, of course.
Sure enough, The Bay is having a 50% off nationwide sale for men’s underwear.
Martin explained his abrupt departure from his parliamentary seat by telling the speaker, “I realize I did inadvertently leave my seat briefly in the middle of the debate, but I can blame it on a sale that they had down at the Hudson’s Bay, they had men’s underwear that was on for half price.”
“I bought a bunch that was clearly too small for me and I find it difficult to sit for any length of time,” said the Member of Parliament.
The House’s Deputy Speaker initially slammed Martin, but ultimately softened his stance when he said, “I had no briefing on this type of motion.”
Good pun. It should be noted, however, that The Bay was not only selling briefs but also “men’s no fly bikini” briefs. Perhaps Mr. Martin was being a bit adventurous. After all, what else is there to do in Manitoba?
Just when you thought it couldn’t get any worse, the National Post (for some reason) asked NDP sources about Martin’s preferred size and style of underwear, to which they responded “I [am] going to be derelict in my duty and not address your hard-fitting—excuse me—hard-hitting questions.”
With discouraging GDP numbers, controversial Supreme Court decisions, and a pivotal election ahead, it’s good to see Parliament focusing on issues that will change the course of this nation. It’s even better to see the National Post ask the questions we at The True North Times would pose. After all, that’s how you keep the government accountable.