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This just in: the Canadian Forces do drugs just like all you other shmucks! The Canadian army’s latest blind drug testing report (a blind test, that is, not a test on soldiers with glaucoma) found that marijuana is the drug of choice, although cocaine is gaining in popularity. Should I make yet another Justin Trudeau pot joke? Should I recall Rob Ford’s crackhead moments? No, we don’t need to go there again.

Here are some of the report stats: 6.6 per cent of those tested were positive for at least one drug; the study detected the sticky icky in 5.3 per cent of all samples. Drug use was higher for non-commissioned members aged 27 years or younger.

The numbers seem high, but let’s compare them to the statistics for average Canadian teenagers. According to the Cross-Canada Report on Student Alcohol and Drug Use, 17-32 per cent (range based on different provinces) of Canadians in grades 7 through 12 reported using cannabis within the past year. 2-5 per cent reported using cannabis daily or almost daily. Considering army recruiters often hang out around high schools, it’s safe to say they’re doing a pretty good job of weeding out the drug users from their selection. Clearly, drug users are going on to university where pot is chill, drool-inducing ketamine is a rite of passage, and Adderall is the ticket to success. Perhaps this is what Aristotle meant when he wrote of virtue.

What does the report mean for the Canadian Forces? Apparently, it could shape the military’s drug intervention strategies. The big idea is that it might be better to focus on the army’s younger population who tend to do more drugs. I foresee a slightly modified version of the National Anti-Drug Strategy ad below.

 

 

Bottom line: the Canadian Forces should really stop playing Juicy at all their office parties.