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Canada’s favourite loser boxer is at it again, misbehaving like an uncut husky in doggie heaven. Patrick Brazeau has a trial for sexual assault scheduled for 2015, but he isn’t inclined to wait that long for his special day. And he isn’t willing to wait for a trial on charges of assault, possession of cocaine, uttering threats, and breaching bail conditions from an incident last April either. He’s already scheduling another date in court, and this time it’s for something completely different. Saint Paddy is charged with drunk driving and breaching bail conditions. Okay, so it’s not really different at all.

Brazeau’s behaviour is predictable in that it’s so unpredictable. He has as many trials pending as he has limbs. In addition to the drug, sexual assault, and drunk driving charges, Brazeau faces fraud and breach of trust charges  racked up during his time in the Senate. Is breach of trust better than breach of bail conditions? Follow Brazeau’s court cases to find out.


Long hair, and he definitely didn't care.Global

Long hair, and he definitely didn’t care.


There’s one key difference between this recent incident and all those that preceded it. This time, Brazeau was charged after police discovered him intoxicated in the driver’s seat of a parked car in Gatineau, QC at 1:40 pm. Yes, that’s right, 1:40 pm! According to the public record, Patrick has never been that drunk that early. Was he getting ready to work at the strip club? Preparing to write another column for Frank magazine? Confused and convinced that he was on his way to work in the red chamber? Only Patrick knows. Then again, given his state at the time of arrest, it possible that Patrick forgot or never knew in the first place.

Maybe we’re being a bit hard on Brazeau. He has to be a good guy at heart. After all, he passed Stephen Harper’s test of character. Sure, a decent number of alcoholics and fraudsters can do that, but it has to say something about him (it does—but only if, when we say “him,” we mean Stephen Harper). Ultimately, until one of his four upcoming trials proves that he is a criminal (call Vegas for odds), we can’t turn our backs on bad boy Brazeau. He remains Canada’s coolest Senator ever. He’s a day manager at a strip club, so kids can relate to him, and Canadian society still assumes that he is innocent until proven guilty. We owe Brazeau that treatment. Can we laugh at him as he continues to fall from greasy, longhaired grace? Sure we can, as long as we use this case as impetus to fix problems in Canadian parliament. Call it democracy. Call it comedy. For Canada’s sake, call Brazeau a cab.