The True North Times
  • Exporting Beaver Hides to the Metropol since 1608
  • The only thing that Andrew Coyne DOESN'T hate
  • For the sophisticated hoser
  • Yet to be castrated by Margaret Wente
  • Peter Mansbridge’s bathroom reading material
  • Now with 60 minute hours!
  • First to podcast with Wilfrid Laurier
  • It's Dynamite!
  • Winnipeg? There?
  • Ineligible for the Supreme Court

Each week, Kyle Muzyka sifts through what our PM has been up to in this column, The Radical Adventures of Stephen Harper, for your personal enjoyment.


What a wonderful week to be alive. The sun is shining, the weather is sweet, and you’ve got nothing better to do than read about what your Prime Minister has been up to as of late.

It’s okay, though.  At least you’re not the one sifting through all of his escapades for the greater good.

We’ll begin with our Prime Minister performing his weekly routine, which is sitting at a table and talking about things with people. This week, he spoke to financial leaders about the economy, money, and how you can find penguin, fish, and eagle heads on the Toonie.

We then catch up with our leader at a Ukrainian gala, where he received a standing ovation for his inspiring speech about how Ukrainians are not Russian. Sounds rudimentary, doesn’t it? Not to Russia, apparently.

In other related news, the Aga Khan Museum’s grand opening was this past week, and 24SEVEN gets an exclusive look at his general excitement over it. Harper, a known heritage buff, is genuinely proud of the museum. The word is that they may build a Tim Hortons inside of it.

Meanwhile, the better half of Harper went out west, where she rode horses in a stylish red leather jacket at an animal conservatory. Let’s hope that jacket was pleather!

She also released rehabilitated hawks, which is four times cooler than anything you’ve ever done.

Finally, the Ukrainian president was here, and was met with an abnormally large amount of support. Not that it was a bad thing, but there was almost too much applause.

Both the leaders of Ukraine and Canada signed an agreement to talk about free trade, which seems to be equivalent to agreeing to share a pizza with someone seven months in advance.

Along with the Ukraine conflict, there’s also the situation with ISIS, which was hardly touched upon in this week’s installment of Harper propaganda. The True North Times has broached the subject a bit, but, as an ever-evolving problem, there’s always news from that area. Canada has decided to send 69 advisers to Iraq to help assist in the fight against rebels.

Really, Harper? You couldn’t round up?

Despite his somewhat busy week, our PM still found the time to verbally attack his main political competition, Justin Trudeau, by saying that he’s a terrorist from China.  Well, not quite. He did talk about those topics as he took aim at several statements Trudeau made in the past.  It’s good to know that, after all those busy meetings, Harper can unwind and take pleasure in revisiting old ground.

In lighter news, Stephen Harper was a victim of something we can all relate to. Have you ever expressed your gratitude for a select group of people, omit one or two of the names, get flak for it, and then try to correct it? No matter how well you play it off, your thank you is forever tainted with the notion that you forgot someone. YOU FORGOT.

Harper tweeted a congratulatory message to Newfoundland’s new Premier-designate, Paul Davis, but omitted Labrador, an integral part of the province we know as “Newfoundland and Labrador.”
He quickly deleted the tweet after several selfless followers informed him of his error.  Shortely thereafter, he tweeted:

You may have forgotten Labrador, but Labrador won’t forget this, Harper.




WhyChris Wattie/Reuters

“Why is it that I am literally never sure where the camera is?”
Chris Wattie/Reuters