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BC Premier Christy Clark said this morning “we still need to hammer out all the fine details but broadly it will mean it is no longer illegal to bring [wine] into [BC or Saskatchewan] for personal use.” Clearly, she meant “we’ll still need to be hammered after all the fine brandy will mean wine for everyone” before taking a swig.

Even stranger, Saskatchewan Premier Brad Wall has been pushing Dill Pickle Vodka to each of the other Canadian premiers, which should be advertised as not having any noticeable difference in flavour in the other direction (the vodka, not the premiers).

So why are all the premiers encouraging drunken debauchery? Is it frosh week or something? No! It was that other event where irresponsible children with no financial self-restraint gather in the same place:  the Premiers’ Conference, the annual meeting of the premiers!!1!one!

To explain what alcohol has to do with this, we should note that the provinces on their way to financial ruin (I’m looking at you, Quebec and Ontario), the provinces already without a trace of prosperity (heyo Atlantic provinces), and even the relatively prosperous provinces (Alberta), have all kinds of protectionist measures designed to protect the non-existent industry in their provinces from the successful ventures in the rest of Canada. Heaven forbid.

Ontario premier Kathleen Wynne doesn’t usually need to worry about using protection, but Christy and Wall want to let that alcohol flow, and remove that (dental) dam.

Wynne is insisting that trade barriers are somehow good for business, because the 100% foreign-owned Beer Store (which sells non-Canadian mineral water almost exclusively, pictured) is obviously good for Ontario’s economy. But, despite Wynne’s fascist tendencies, BC and Saskatchewan are moving forward in the only way they know how, by ignoring the other provinces.

Christy and Wall hope that by June 2015, you’ll be able to bring British Columbian/Saskatchewan wine or spirit between those provinces for personal use, and even have a spirit from the other province delivered to your door! If you live in Ontario, you still need to wait for your Saskatchewan dill pickle vodka to be picked up by the LCBO before you can have it, or you’ll need to cross a border to smuggle it in yourself.


Well, if Brad Wall likes it...Dan Clapson

While it would be great for Bloody Caesars, on its own it may not be quite at the MacKay end of the “palatable” scale.
Dan Clapson


Yet, Manitoba and Nova Scotia are also dismantling their complex system of tariffs, and hope that booze from every province can one day be sold side-by-side in the provincially owned liquor stores.

Despite their differences when it comes to freedom of libation, there is one thing the provinces agreed upon: the federal government should give more money to the provinces. At least there’s something they can all agree on, as long as it involves further squandering. As for the liquor, Christy and Wall are probably hoping Wynne tries some of that Dill Pickle Vodka. Like Saskatchewan and BC, I hear it’ll be on its way up sometime soon.