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Ah, the Canadian comeback story. Pierre Elliott Trudeau did it, so did Mackenzie King. So why can’t any of our current politicians recreate those timeless moments? Here are three comebacks that probably won’t happen, but a girl (read: satirist) can dream.

 

1. Jean Charest seeks federal or provincial office.

In an interview with the CBC, when asked if he would consider returning to politics, Quebec’s less famous J.C. said he would “never say never.” When asked if he would ever run for the federal Conservatives, he again answered that he would “never say never”. Based on these responses, it seems like Charest, the guy Quebecers booted out of office just a few years ago, never really left politics behind. Risky bet: Charest runs for the federal Conservatives somewhere in Quebec, and loses. Safer bet: Thinking he’s sure as Sherbrooke, Justin handpicks Charest to run for the federal Liberals in Quebec. He still loses.

"Everyone in the political elite loves me!"Jacques Boissinot

“Everyone in the political elite loves me!”
Jacques Boissinot

 

2. Alison Redford returns to politics.

A few days ago, news broke that Alison Redford, the former Premier of Alberta, had resigned as MLA for Calgary-Elbow. Now the current Premier of Alberta is requesting that the RCMP investigate Redford’s conduct while she held Alberta’s highest office. Redford says she is ready to move on and do something different. It’s tempting to trust her, but she lied about the government plane, so she might be lying now. Plus, she has left a trail of scandal and corruption as long as Tom Mulcair’s nose at a PROC hearing. She’s ripe for a return to politics…but where? Risky bet: Christy Clark asks Alison Redford to run for the BC Liberals. Redford loses intentionally, enjoys sticking it to Clark. Safer bet: Stephen Harper appoints Alison Redford to the Senate.

Alison "I Terry McConnell

“Maybe I can be Governor of California!”
Terry McConnell

 

3. Eve Adams and Natalia Lishchyna find somewhere else to duke it out.

Wounds heal. Chicks dig scars. Glory lasts forever. Three reasons why Eve Adams and Natalia Lishchyna are bound to end up in another nomination contest. Additionally, Lischyna has indicated that she wants to return to politics…maybe that’s more powerful evidence. Anyway, the return could maybe be inevitable. But where? Adams’ concussion will probably keep her close to home, and might make her want a vacation. She heads south- to Burlington. Risky bet: Adams and Lishchyna lock horns in Burlington, and the victor wins the seat for the Conservatives in the 2015 federal election. Safer bet: Both unsuccessfully seek the nomination, eventually losing to a current Conservative MP’s son or daughter.

I get that you don't like the guy that fired your husband, but you don't need to say that he made you sick!Jason Ransom

“Ben Harper’s actually running? Isn’t he at Queen’s?”
Jason Ransom