Canada’s medical world is in shock today as Dr. Louis Hugo Francescutti released statements via the Ottawa Citizen, where he condemned the actions of the medical marijuana industry. According to Francescutti, the president of the Canadian Medical Association, the act of granting marijuana companies the same access promote their products as other pharmaceutical companies is akin to “legalized dope pushing,” and must be stopped.
He is clearly right. Putting aside the obvious and documented health benefits that marijuana brings to those who lack appetite, endure from chronic pain, or suffer from multiple sclerosis, the fact that marijuana is a viable, legal treatment that can be prescribed by doctors should leave us all “quite frightened” like him. And even scarier are the grotesque costumes that these representatives put on to discuss medical marijuana with doctors who never had the chance to learn about it in Medical School. According to Dr. Francescutti, “they’ve got very professional, well-dressed men and women” doing their dirty work. How dare they dress up like all other men and women working professionally in our society! They should dress up like the people they are, dope-heads, scoundrels, and drug pushers.
Of course, the reason these dealers are on the fringe of our society is the previous illegality of their trade; “that is part of the reason,” he acknowledged. As we all know, the real reason they are outcast from the medical community is that they deserve to be there with the heroin dealers and the mayors of major cities who sit around peddling and using dangerous substances. Somehow, however, the medical marijuana has slipped through the cracks and is attempting to be a conventional and mainstream medicine. How can this be? According to Dr. Francescutti, weed is thought to be a “magical” substance. And it must be if, in addition to all of its medical benefits, it has caused zero deaths in human history, and has fewer addictive properties than a cup of coffee.
But, again, these are obvious tricks and guises used by these hippies in disguise to make us believe that this dangerous drug is close to the safety levels of our lovely prescription drugs. Unfortunately, the tricks are working. Most doctors who have heard from these bong toting suits have been “receptive and interested in learning more.” It is sad, but true: the shadowy and unknown field of medical marijuana is sneaking into the average doctor’s consciousness.
What can be done about this epidemic of doobie rolling GP’s, this sickness of munchie ravaged surgeons? We must once again turn to the sage advice of the president of the Canadian Medical Association: “I guess I’d buy some stocks in chips and nachos.” We all may as well take advantage of the doped-up nation that is to come.