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“Ford for City Council!”

Rob? No! Doug? Not even close. We aren’t talking about one of those old Fords who are too lame to know that the cool kids moved away from crack in the 80s. No, this is the Ford of a new generation, come to restore the Ford name by removing the stain of corruption and addiction.

Michael Ford, Rob and Doug’s nephew, has registered to fill the council seat that will be vacated by Doug at the end of the current term. Rob was elected to the seat in 2000, and Doug catapulted in when Ford ran for mayor. Now, with both of them out of the picture (well, mostly), the Ford family still hopes to use Etobicoke as the base of the coming empire.

Despite this, there are a ton of questions that should be answered.

  1. When will the Fords fire their strategy person? Clearly, someone thought that it would be a good idea to put a Ford on the same ballot that Ford has been on since 2000, under the assumption that people will have positive feelings towards a name they’re familiar with. While this may usually be a good idea, it tends to have the opposite effect when the name is Ford.
  2. If Michael is the son of Kathy Ford, why did he take his mother’s name instead of his father’s? Does Toronto really need someone who chooses the Ford name when they don’t have to? Will the aforementioned strategy consultant use that as a slogan?
  3. Seeing as Michael Ford has a cushy job at the Ford family business, why would he leave it all for municipal politics? Does he have mayoral ambitions? Does he realize that his family’s legacy has been tarnished for at least the next four year election cycle?

In a very Ford way, this actually makes sense. If Rob Ford is destined to lose, maybe the family is hedging their bets in the event of a Chow victory. Then, four years from now, Michael Ford can vow to dig Toronto out of the rubble of so many poorly designed infrastructure projects. The people of Toronto, never realizing just how much they missed Rob, will realize how wrong they were to hate a man for saying some kinda-racist things pretty much all the time. Michael Ford, the Councillor from Ward 2, will run and win, and the Ford dynasty will hold an iron grip on Toronto forever.

 

He's the Ford Toronto deserves right now, not the one it needs.Michael Peake

He’s the Ford Toronto deserves right now, not the one it needs.
Michael Peake

 

Still, we need to give the Fords some credit. They never give up, and they always double-down on their poor gambles. Why have one Ford on the ballot when they can (probably not) win twice? That’s the spirit. It’s time for Ford’s campaign manager to become the Fords’ campaign manager, and go with “Double Down on Ford,” sponsored by KFC, or “Give the Second Ford a Chance,” sponsored by Second Chances. Because if there’s one thing I’ve learned while covering the Toronto election, it’s that there’s nothing Toronto loves more than corporate sponsors and Fords. Right?