The True North Times
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As on every Canada Day, a major pollster has come out asking Canadians to self-report on how they feel about themselves, their country, and their compatriots.

This year it’s Ipsos Reid, and just like the sun beating down on my sweat-laden forehead, Canadians are hot, hot, hot, or so they say.

A full 75% of those polled said that Canadians were sexy, less than those who described Canadians as cool (89%) despite not being in reference to the weather, polite (92%), or welcoming towards minority culture groups (93%). Really, if we’re that polite, it only makes sense that we’d speak so fondly of all our fellow citizens.

Canadians are a beautiful people, from coast to coast, having produced every type of sexy from teeny-bopper heart-throb Justin Bieber to Paul Gross who, according to an unnamed True North Times intern is: “so adorable, it’s like I want to marry him and have kids, and have Diefenbaker as our family dog…”

 

*waves hand in front of face* "He's so adorable, it more like I want to marry him and have kids, and have Diefenbaker as our family dog..."Due South

*sigh* “He’s such a nice guy who, I don’t know, he’s just so beautiful.”
Due South

 

There were also some questions about how we feel about our country (strongly), and some revelations that we generally feel as though we should be more patriotic (81%). We also discovered that not everyone knows the national anthem, and that the Quebecers still don’t all identify as Canadian. But none of this matters.

What is important is that we think we are a sexy people. So this Canada Day, snuggle up with someone special, or just consider our Miss Canada’s Mountie themed outfit to Miss Universe.