The True North Times
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Tom Mulcair is doing his best to keep them locked up as long as possible, but it doesn’t really matter. Whether today or tomorrow, Canada’s MPs are going to get out the House for summer vacation. Prepare for the 8th plague, folks. The locusts are coming. Here’s what to expect:


Door Knocking Season

If you’re a hardworking Canadian (you undoubtedly are), you probably know there’s nothing like watching the sunset while talking with friends and family on a warm late spring/early summer evening. Well, enjoy it tonight, because your local MP has a lot of free time starting tomorrow, and that means that door-knocking season is about to start. To avoid a politician, follow a few simple guidelines. First, never answer your door, because that’s the first point of contact for politicians. Second, close the drapes, because the government is spying on you. Third, it’s probably best to just board up the windows so that an over-enthusiastic Justin Trudeau doesn’t try to climb into your bedroom and “earn your vote.” It’s going to be a rough few months, but don’t worry, the comfort and isolation of winter will return soon enough.


Beach Season

Depending on the sitting, there are anywhere from two to four decent looking MPs in the House. If you want to snag a peek of their steamy government secrets, you should head to the beach. If you’re lucky, you might get a chance to see 10-time Hottest Parliamentarian Peter MacKay in a swimsuit! Talk about early Christmas!


Named "Canada's Sexiest MP" 10-timesCP

Named “Canada’s Sexiest MP” 10 times



Government Becomes More Functional

Many Canadians argue that our current government is doing more harm than good. I call those people “smart.” This session of Parliament has treated us to an endless streak of scandal, lies, buffoonery, repealed progress, and possible illegal activity. As summer vacation begins, all that stops. We’ll learn that the most functional government is no government at all.


Maybe the “8th plague” reference was a bit strong. Sure, the door-knocking is annoying, but a tanned, flexing Peter McKay more than makes up for any inconvenience. And then there’s the functional government thing…but seriously, Peter MacKay beats Alexander Keith’s for “The Pride of Nova Scotia”. Perhaps summer in the True North isn’t so bad after all.