The True North Times
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Welcome to the True North Times’ interpretation of 24/SEVEN: a recap of the past week in the life of the Prime Minister of Canada, and more.

 

 

This week, top minds(?) flew to Toronto to converse about situations and initiatives in the foreseeable future.

The maternal, newborn, and child health summit was the main attraction this week for Harper and his entourage, which we thought happened last week, but here we are again.

Our Prime Minister announced additional funding for the Saving Every Woman, Every Child: Within Arm’s Reach program, still seemingly unaware of the mouthful that the name seems to be.

Communism was bad as well, according to our Prime Minister. He spoke about the effects that communism had on the lives of people over the years.

“We must never forget that these are not numbers, not statistics. They were mothers and fathers, sons and daughters, friends and neighbours,” said the Prime Minister, who also went on to list your great uncle, the guy that pumps your gas, and even the young couple you stare at for 15 seconds straight while driving past them in your car.

Laureen Harper spoke about how texting and driving is terrible and bad as well. We see the main advocate for halting texting and driving, Parachute, come up with a very clever hashtag for people to use.

#PracticeSafeText

Get it?! Like, practice safe sex but not!

Finally, our Prime Minister took his Canadian entourage over to Europe, where he stopped in Poland to talk about Ukraine again, and to also celebrate Poland’s anniversary from the ridding of communism.

All in the midst of this abnormally hectic week, Stephen Harper still found it in his heart to support Tim Horton’s and their annual camp day. What a saint.

 

Here’s what they missed:

The 3.5 billion-dollar initiative won’t fund abortions in developing countries, says Stephen Harper. “Frankly, we have to keep people focused on what we agree on,” the National Post quoted Harper saying. If we’re going by that, then we can assume some of the funding will go to Stephen Harper’s ridiculously cool hair. Everyone can agree that he has a timeless style.

Canada has banned meteorologists from speaking about climate change, according the the Daily Mail. They are apparently not qualified enough to speak about it. I’m not sure why it really matters, though, considering that meteorologists are right about the weather only about 40 per cent of the time.

 

This was actually an action-packed week! By Prime Minister standards, anyway.