15. Conrad Black
He already has experience in British Parliament. He already has a nice-looking mugshot for a security pass.
14. Don Cherry
Now Don can find more old white men to talk over!
13. Marc Nadon
The whole “Court thing” didn’t work out. Ah, hell, let’s give this a shot.
12. Ezra Levant
Because we don’t have enough angry partisans
11. The Fords
Doug and Ford. A package deal. When one is in a random bar in rural Ontario, the other is sitting in.
10. David Suzuki
He may be unemployed after these CBC cuts.
9. Jean Chretien
8. Andrew Coyne
He has the passion. He is clearly non-partisan, because he hates everyone (except us).
7. Justin Bieber
Now Bieber can make the Prime Minister look bad regularly!
6. George Stroumboulopoulos
He’s in everything already, anyways. He also does very well in feigning interest.
5. “Canadian Tire” Guy
The everyman. He fixes all of our problems. Lets get him to clean the senate.
4. Steve Murray
If Toronto would be so foolish to not elect him as mayor, Ottawa would be fortunate to have him.
3. Celine Dion
2. Margaret Wente
The Senate would be fun with someone to cause political shitstorms by saying the most outlandish things.
1. Prince Charles
Strengthen ties with our future king. He loves Canada. Canada, fruits, polar bears, and drag queens love him.