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Rob Ford’s black Cadillac was found and impounded because a 36 year old woman was driving it drunk in Bracebridge, Ontario. Someone other than Ford was caught drunk driving in his Cadillac Escalade in the same town where Ford himself was taking selfies with adoring fans last week. The story would be better if she was driving a Ford Escape, but it’s salient enough.

This opens up a whole bunch of interesting questions. Let’s start answering them. First, who is this woman, LeeAnne McRobb? She says she’s a friend of Rob Ford’s from GreeneStone, the rehab centre that we can now apparently confirm Ford is staying at. Did Rob mistake her for a McRib?  She knows him well enough not only to borrow his car, twice this week according to her neighbour, but she also subtly dropped to the media that she left her watch in his bedroom. While being hounded by media after having the car impounded, she stopped answering questions in order to very clearly ask someone about their watch, and then oh-so-subtly mentioned that her very nice watch was left in Ford’s bedroom, and that she would go get it later. Just so we’re clear, Rob Ford IS still married.

If she had just been borrowing the car, we might give them the benefit of the doubt, but the watch adds a new layer of intimacy. We finally have what the Ford story always needed: a sex scandal!

 

The accused adulteress, taking aim at her second favourite clown.Facebook

The accused, taking aim at her second favourite clown.
Facebook

 

It all makes logical sense though, since we recently saw videos of Rob Ford publicly (read: drunkenly) declaring that he was in the doghouse at home and that he was having less than the best luck in his marriage. It’s like his football camp metaphor is being extended even further. He’s a high school kid whose love life is lacking at home, so he goes to camp and does things that he hopes will never leave the confines of the isolated sleep-away camp grounds. Unfortunately, it turns out the girl is a tad too chatty, and prone to drunk-driving.

That brings us to the next important question: how is Rob? Our mystery lady says he’s doing very well in rehab, as he’s already told us, and we can confirm that since he clearly is getting along really well with the guests. Especially the women. Or at least this 36 year old chatterbox. We’re not really willing to take her word for it though. This rehab centre can’t be all that good if a woman who recently got out is already driving around drunk. GreeneStone offers an online rehab program, so maybe Rob would have been better off with that, so he wouldn’t be surrounded by such bad influences.

We’re sure that Miss McRobb, like all people who have driven drunk out of rehab, is an upstanding member of society and a pillar of her community. She just has had the misfortune to become implicated in a web of scandals that will surely put her in the spotlight for days to come, which must be the opposite of what she wants.

The Rob Ford Saga may now be complete. We’ve had political scandal, drug scandal, and now (maybe) sex scandal. What could possibly come next? If recent Canadian politics is any indication, it will likely be a spending scandal.