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Last week, the liberal shills at the National Post published an article by human-thesaurus Conrad Black.  In his blueprint, Mr. Black calls for a “renewed fundamental agreement between the English—and French—speaking communities of the country.”  With a newly elected Liberal government in Quebec pledging to finally join the rest of Canada, there has never been a better time for another constitutional crisis in this country.

What does Mr. Black mean?  Well, according to his piece, he means that we should become the “Republic and Kingdom of Canada.” He says we should have a President-Governor General, simultaneous Crown-State loyalty, and a super-sized Supreme Court.  Oh, and corrupt Senators should be appointed by federal and provincial governments.

While Conrad Black’s proposal offers an interesting change, I don’t think it goes far enough in terms of constitutional reform. We spent 115 years trying to gain full control of our own constitution, only for Meech Lake and Charlottetown to crash and burn faster than Michael Ignatieff’s political career.

If we’re going to change our constitution, we had better go all-out. The provinces never agree on anything, and the Supreme Court is the worst constitutional wingman ever.

I propose we create a Constitutional Federal Republic of the Canadian Emirate Kingdoms. We can be the best of all worlds, an example for all nations, and a pioneer in the next era of statecraft.

The Governor General would be abolished, and replaced with an elected Presidential Sultan Monarch. We need a Canadian head of state, elected by the people, for the people. We also need to reflect the changing demographics of this nation. And, for the old geezers, we need to throw in homage to our British roots.


Meet your new elected Presidental Sultan MonarchSampText

Meet your new elected Presidential Sultan Monarch
Firaxis | Royal Exhibitions | Wallpaperology | Chris Young


New citizens would take an oath not only to our Sultan-King, but to the Constitutional Federal Republic. What about the Supreme Court, you say? Well, let me finish. The Supreme Court would be a panel composed of  all political pundits in Canada. It’s time we put their speculation to good use. The appointed justices should start off with John Ivison, Andrew Coyne, Ezra Levant, Rex Murphy, Mike Duffy, and Margaret Wente, with remaining justices filled through a Hunger Games style lottery.

As for Senators, I think they should be elected, but with very strict criteria. In fact, let’s change it to the House of Lords. It meshes well with our monarchical concepts. Then, to run as a candidate in the Canadian House of Lords, you must fulfill the following criteria:

  • You must have, or have had, an extreme amount of wealth;
  • You have owned at least 10 media outlets;
  • You have been charged with no less than 3 counts of fraud;
  • You have been decorated and have had to rescind the highest honours in the nation.

That narrows down eligible candidates quite a bit, but we need to be very careful when selecting our representatives. It’s for the good of our Democracy Constitutional Federal Republic of Emirate Kingdoms.