The True North Times
  • First to podcast with Wilfrid Laurier
  • For the sophisticated hoser
  • Now with 60 minute hours!
  • Yet to be castrated by Margaret Wente
  • Exporting Beaver Hides to the Metropol since 1608
  • Winnipeg? There?
  • Peter Mansbridge’s bathroom reading material
  • It's Dynamite!
  • The only thing that Andrew Coyne DOESN'T hate
  • Ineligible for the Supreme Court

Welcome to the True North Times’ interpretation of 24/SEVEN: a recap of the past week in the life of the Prime Minister of Canada, and more.

 

 

By failing to release an episode of 24SEVEN last week, the Prime Minister and his team has kept us on the edge of our seats, eager to find out what exactly he has been up to. Naturally, the result was fairly disappointing.

After doing absolutely nothing at all last week, the Prime Minister was back to work on Thursday, where he met with some officials who could tell him what was going on in Ukraine. Again.

Meanwhile, Laureen Harper got her people to collect some hockey equipment to send up north, in a project conveniently called Project North.

Though unclear, it has been assumed that on Friday, Saturday, Sunday, and Monday, the Prime Minister got really into the NHL playoffs and was unable to complete any government-related things.

On Tuesday, our Prime Minister talked on the phone about Ukraine, and, on Wednesday, he announced that Canada would send 500 observers to Ukraine.  Though this could be interpreted as a vacation, we assure you it’s not.

Meanwhile, Laureen played tour guide to a bunch of sixth graders, and then introduced them to the Prime Minister, where the seasoned 11-year-old journalists asked tough questions to the PM, such as “do you find your job amusing?” Of course, the PM was quick to point out the difficulties that come with representing an entire country, but not before he made a reference to Veep, which none of the sixth graders understood!

As Laureen said her goodbyes, one of the sixth graders showcased his natural and seemingly instinctive waving to the cameras technique. He’s scheduled for an interview to become part of government next week.

 

Do you find your job...amusing? 24/SEVEN

Do you find your job…amusing?
24/SEVEN

 

Here’s what they missed:

– The Prime Minister’s integrity was called into question after an 18-year-old girl suffering from extreme intoxication was picked up from 24 Sussex. It was his son’s eighteenth birthday.  The legal drinking age in Ontario is 19.

– Though she is a mainstay here on 24SEVEN, many didn’t know Laureen Harper existed until this incident. Speaking at the Internet Cat Video Festival, Stephen’s wife was interrupted by a patron in the middle of her speech. She handled it as best she could, and it was just another small blip for the Harper regime.

– By directing traffic to his own personal and party websites, the Prime Minister has found himself in lukewarm water. Rest assured, the web traffic is irrelevant to our Prime Minister.

– Finally, Stephen Harper was accused of paying over $4 million to departing employees during his tenure. It has not been confirmed yet, but it’s been reported that the reason he is directing traffic to his own websites is to make up for lost funds.