The details are as hazy as the air in BareFax Gentlemen’s Club, but it seems like Patrick Brazeau will soon appear in court. No, not for sexual assault. That was so long ago. And no! Not on charges of fraud and breach of trust. Brazeau shook the Senate scene and the propensity for upper crust crime that came with it. This time, he’ll face charges of assault and cocaine possession. Folks, this confirms it—Patrick Brazeau is once again a man of the people.
The 39-year-old suspended Senator was arrested at 4 am on the porch of a home in Gatineau, Quebec. It seems he was caught in a vicious assault triangle. We’ve all been there, those nights when it seems that everyone is assaulting everyone else, so you decide to hang out on the porch in the frigid early hours of the morning. The “Northern Night Out”, as we call it, is a Canadian tradition. What’s most remarkable is that someone noticed it happening, and actually cared.
Yet, one little detail made this night stand out. Brazeau was found with a small amount of cocaine. Before you jump to conclusions, consider that the whole yard was covered in snow, and that it is completely possible for the police to have mistaken snow for blow. Let’s face it—Brazeau doesn’t fit the rich boy profile associated with cocaine. He was suspended from the Senate without pay, meaning that he no longer makes money for nothing. Some readers may disagree, but it seems unlikely that Brazeau could replace that lost income while working at the BareFax Club. Sure, he’s young, bad, and rugged, so he might grab a buck here and there, but it’s completely implausible that he’d rack up big tips grinding his junk on a pole.
With his income, it seems more likely he’d end up smoking crack, cocaine’s cheap cousin. Unfortunately for Patrick, another soon-to-be-former politician has already cornered that market. Patrick isn’t as normal as Ford, so there is no way he could join that party. He had to hang out on his own porch, so that’s exactly what he did. And what a show it produced.
For better or worse, this particular highlight reel can’t play forever. When and where will be see Brazeau again? In a strip club? On a porch? Back in Parliament? Perhaps Our Lord and Saviour Stephen Harper will try to sneak him in to fill the vacant spot on the Supreme Court. Anything is possible. More likely, though, we can expect that Brazeau will finally be in one place for a fairly long time. He is now in court in three separate cases, so the safe money is that we’ll next hear that he is behind bars.