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Twitter is a wonderful tool. It allows the average Joe to engage with prominent figures across any industry. It has been instrumental during democratic revolutions that have spurred across the world. It breaks the news before anyone else does. Twitter is a powerful tool, indeed.

Most importantly, Twitter is the ultimate venue for said “prominent figures” to display their true colours. Here’s a list of the Top 13 incidents where the Canadian public has had the pleasure of witnessing Twitter calamities. Who said Canadians are kind and passive? Pat Martin would disagree (and probably call you a smug, dirty pig bastard).

Let us begin!



13. Patrick Brazeau vs The Month of April


Our first comes from Ex-Senator Patrick Brazeau. His twitter debacle begins with what looks like a serious, startling development.

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It’s April 1st, but he’s announcing something tomorrow…Maybe he’s serious?

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Oh, hey! You got us! That was surprising. Not the fact that you fooled us, but that you said “Happy April’s Fool’s Day.” The…day belonging to April’s Fool?

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Predictably, people were in an uproar. How dare he feign a resignation? We were so excited to see him leave. Furthermore, his grammar was atrocious. If there’s one thing that Canada will not stand for, Mr. Senator, it’s bad grammar (and the turmoil in the Ukraine. It deeply concerns us)



12. Patrick Brazeau vs Public Decency


Twice in a row! This time, Brazeau displays why he was the best Senator that this country could ask for. How does a former Senator like himself look for a new line of work? On Twitter, duh.

Honourable jobs, eh? I can accept that. After witnessing your performance in the Senate, you deserve a truly honourable job.

Hey, you could always be a writer. I would read that autobiography. Wait — whats that? You’re employed again? Congratulations! Where is your new place of “honest work”? A stripclub in Ottawa? Okay.



11. Justin Trudeau vs Used Car Salesmen of Canada


Mr. Trudeau tweeted that, according to public opinion, politicians are are less trusted than used car salesmen. Immediately, shit hit the fan.

And an apology came right after.

However, used car salesmen protector Ezra Levant would not let this transgression fade.

Oh, no…Why would you poke the Ezra bear? INCOMING!

Yeah. If anyone has the right to call someone out on their immaturity, it’s Ezra Levant.



10. Pat Martin vs A Manitoban


I have nothing to say. You’ll be seeing more from good ol’ Pat, soon enough.



9. Pat Martin vs Free Trade

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Like right now!



8. Gerry Bryne vs Pamela Anderson

screen-shot-2013-12-18-at-2-07-28-pmPamela Anderson voiced her opposition to seal clubbing. Gerry Bryne laid the law down. Tabloid magazine esque.



7.  Ujjal Dosanjh vs Ezra Levant


What is a former Premier of British Columbia doing here? Well, Ezra asked him a question. When Ezra asks you a question, it’s time to go full-offense.

The honourable Premier is right! Wise words from a man who governed a province of 4 million. I can see why they elected him.



6. Tony Clement vs A Teenager


Some teen criticized Mr. Clement for a spelling mistake. That kid is a real douche.



5. Patrick Brazeau vs A Journalist (and the concept of comedy)


Hah..ahahahaha…he called her a bitch. He didn’t mean it, though. It just needed to be said. So he did mean it, but he didn’t.



4. Naheed Nenshi vs Ezra Levant


Ezra seems to be pretty popular. Behold, one of the most awkward virtual fights in history.



3. Pat Martin vs Stephen Gordon


An economics professor at Université Laval had the nerve to discredit Mr. Martin’s assertions against the…wet…dream…nature of globalization and free trade. What the hell does he know about economics?

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2. Pat Martin vs Critics


To be fair, this guy called him a fouled-mouth socialist. Only half of that is true. I’ll let you decide which half. As an MP, one has the well-honed ability to effectively debate, critically assess, and develop well-researched arguments to respond to their critics. Right? No?



1. Pat Martin vs The Conservatives


Here we are. The best of the best.


Alright. He’s passionate about a very alarming issue. Sure, his language is a bit unparliamentary, but he’s human.


Ummm…I think this is about to take an aggressive turn.


WOAH. Pat Martin should be a professor of arts and poetry at Université Laval. That’s some really intriguing imagery.


To you, it may be restraint, but I don’t think the Conservatives would like all the name-calling. And I know for a fact that rats across the country were offended by your preconceived notions regarding their promiscuity.

There you have it. Pat Martin managed to sweep the podium. His constituents should be proud. As upcoming elections draw closer, we can be sure to expect more of these rants and skirmishes (albeit, maybe not from Pat Martin. His Twitter account is gone). So maybe there wont be more of these happening anytime soon…Pat Martin was probably 1/3 of all rage-filled tweets in Canadian politics.

Oh well. We still have Ezra.