The True North Times
  • First to podcast with Wilfrid Laurier
  • It's Dynamite!
  • The only thing that Andrew Coyne DOESN'T hate
  • Now with 60 minute hours!
  • Yet to be castrated by Margaret Wente
  • For the sophisticated hoser
  • Ineligible for the Supreme Court
  • Peter Mansbridge’s bathroom reading material
  • Exporting Beaver Hides to the Metropol since 1608
  • Winnipeg? There?
michaelmuthafuckingferguson

He stares into your soul.
The Canadian Press

If you thought auditing was a boring desk job, think again. Welcome to the tumultuous, horror-filled world of Canadian political investigation.

 

For some reason no one expected him

Auditor General Michael Ferguson calling for an inquisition investigation.
weeta

 

In light of a purge of Senate expenses, Canada’s Auditor General has made some startling revelations regarding just how serious his inquisition is going to be. According to the National Post, a document distributed to senators from the AG’s office states that the unyielding wrath of auditor general Michael Ferguson includes, but is not limited to (actually, it probably is), stern questioning and home visits.

If Canadian senators haven’t wet themselves from fear yet, they should refrain from making Mr. Ferguson angry. They won’t like him when he’s angry. According to the Post, the AG’s office has warned senators that they may have to face the worst punishment of all: testifying under oath and being forced to tell the truth.  Yeah, this auditing business really isn’t for the faint of heart.

The senators, clearly not anticipating that lying would be off the table, immediately regretted inviting the auditor general to look into their expenses, and voiced their concerns about having their names publicized in the audit reports. Then again, what were they expecting when they asked this guy to investigate the upper house? Couldn’t they tell that Ferguson’s piercing gaze would see into the deepest recesses of their minds and uncover all their innermost secrets?   Ferguson initially presented his warnings to the Senate in the form of a terrifying… slide show. While said presentation was made behind closed doors, one can speculate that the Auditor General used eerie Dracula music to really drive his point home.

 

Synergy!

Three Senators resigned after Mr Ferguson couldn’t get the embedded video to play
Gareth Saunders

 

Pamela Wallin, Mac Harb, Patrick Brazeau, and Mike Duffy, the senators whose dubious expense claims prompted both RCMP investigation and this current audit, have been spared the fate of their colleagues. At this point, the senators are making it seem as though they would prefer to be investigated by the police rather than to hear the fearsome Inquisitor Michael Ferguson and his minions, armed with pencils, notepads, and other similar instruments of torture, knocking on their doors.