The True North Times
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Rights reserved by Anirudh Kohl.

Canada, highest per capita for adorable and patriotic children
Anirudh Kohl

The first word that comes to mind when I think about Canada is hardcore. We’re not afraid to be the first person to say sorry. We know that there’s a strong likelihood of developing heart disease when we eat our cheese and gravy drenched fries. And we are so polite, we let moose cross the road first. Canada is about as metal as it gets. Read on and experience the top 10 most glorious opportunities the True North has to offer:


Leifsburdir Restaurant: Unleash your inner Viking and dine like Eric the Red in a replica of his home, Leifsburdir, at their Great Viking Feast in Fishing Point, Newfoundland. Throw your tankard to the ground and shout to the bar wench to pour you another as you dine on moose stew and cod tongue.


Canadian Potato Museum: What do you get when it rains potatoes? Spuddles… Oh, and the Canadian Potato Museum in O’Leary, PEI. Looking for a Willy Waller 2006? Can’t find that perfect patate au gratin recipe? You’ve come to the right place for all your potato needs. Established in 1999, this extraordinary exhibit is home to the world famous PEI Potatoes and the largest collection of potato artifacts. Spudtacular!


Giant Pumpkin Racing: For Windsor, Nova Scotia residents, you haven’t lived until you’ve picked your own pumpkin, carved it out, and raced it in their annual Pumpkin Regatta which takes place every October. The contestants have the option to choose between three designations: the paddling, experimental, or motoring race.  You’re in Big Pumpkin territory now, so join the “pumpkin heads” and don’t forget to bring your own PVC (Personal Vegetable Craft).  Past guest appearance: Martha Stewart.


Grosse Ile and Irish Memorial National Historic Site: The ghosts of thousands of cholera victims haunt the island that was quarantined for years when British soldiers, returning from India, brought the disease. Spreading faster than H1N1 through contaminated bilge water in ships and inadequate sewage and water treatment systems, cholera claimed the lives of thousands of Irish immigrants. Home to the Irish National Memorial Historic Site, Grosse Ile is now a popular tourist attraction.


Ottawa: Whether you’re a hardcore junior political activist, on a high school field trip, or just really enjoy being within walking distance of everything (and not a whole lot at the same time), our nation’s Capital is one wild city. With a riveting selection of one nightclub and not a single late-night pizzeria in sight, Ottawa is a glorious example of Canada’s sheer craziness.  But don’t fret, Montreal is only a couple hours away.

Turner Curling Museum: There’s a rivalry heating up across the land, getting to the hearts of Canadians everywhere: who has the most curling memorabilia? No longer a pastime just for our managing editor, Weyburn, Saskatchewan is home to the Turner Curling Museum and Curling Hall of Fame where you can see all of your curling heroes and an impressive display of Curling Irons and Pins. Say hello to Don and Elva while you’re there.


Head Smashed In Buffalo Jump: Perhaps, many years ago, the native American population of Grande Prairie, Alberta were faced with the challenge of buffalo hunting and its lack of efficiency. When a think tank of the best hunters failed to come up with an appropriate solution, a young hunter, still untested in his mettle, startled a herd and sent them stampeding over a steep precipice where they fell to their death. Whether that is the history or not (probably not), the native people of North America have practiced this technique for 6,000 years, and Head Smashed in Buffalo Jump is now a UNESCO world heritage site.

Head-Smashed-In Buffalo Jump

A shame about that whole “Near Threatened” thing though.
Citizen Shift


Gopher Hole Museum: If you are a fan of Rachael Garcia’s work (see: Taxidermied Mice Chess Sets), then it’s time to head on out to Torrington, Alberta. Take a moment to indulge in just how productive gophers really are with an impressive array of dioramas featuring gopher colonists, gopher farmers, winter gophers and more!

He's going on an adventure c:

Go-pher gold!
The Gopher Hole Museum


Ogopogo: Years of inexplicable sightings and grainy photography have allowed British Columbia’s Legend Hunters to continue their search for Ogopogo, Lake Okanagan’s resident sea monster. Known to Indigenous Peoples as N’ha-a-tik, or “water demon” (and for  “Magic in the Water” fans, “Orky”), Ogopogo is said to resemble a log until, in the blink of an eye, it’s gone.  Dare to venture below the depths of Lake Okanagan; the water demon is waiting…


Bathtub Racing: There’s nothing more relaxing than a warm bubble bath…until someone takes your bathtub and turns it into a motorboat. And that’s exactly how the Nanaimo World Championship Bathtub Race gets its name. Every year since 1967, hundreds of “tubbers” have gathered on Vancouver Island to complete the 36 mile course. This year’s Bath Tub Race is happening on July 27th, so get cracking on that tub shell ASAP!


Well how Aboot that? Your weekly stop for Canadian Humour

Archaeologists in Winnipeg just discovered evidence that the Greeks had colonized Western Canada. Their reason? Evidence of Man in Toga.